The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [111]
What's Love Got to Do with It?
Polish anthropologist Dr. Boguslaw Pawlowski found that—in an ideal relationship—trust, money, and respect are less important than the height difference ratio 1 to 1.09. His study in 2004 found that, to ensure marital bliss, a man needs to be 1.09 times taller than his partner. This formula fits in the case of failed romances, for instance, Nicole Kidman (five feet eleven inches) and Tom Cruise (five feet seven inches).
Couples who fit this success ratio include the following:
Cherie Blair and Tony Blair = 1.10
Victoria Beckham and David Beckham = 1.09
Those who technically fail the test ratio include:
Camilla Parker-Bowles and Prince Charles = 1.01
Penny Lancaster and Rod Stewart = 0.97
Some Strategies for Gaining Perceived Height
If you are a shorter person, there are several strategies you can employ to neutralize the power of taller people who set out to intimidate you. This is important if you are a woman because women are, on average, two inches shorter than men. Set up a space where you can control the environment by having chairs of varying heights and ask tall people to sit on the lower chairs. Sitting neutralizes height and sitting the Incredible Hulk on a low sofa diminishes his perceived power. Sitting at opposite ends of a table also evens things up, as does leaning in someone's office doorway to talk while they are seated. Talking in a public place, such as a bar or in a crowd, or in a car or plane, also limits the tactics of taller associates. If someone is overbearing or standing over you while you are sitting, get up and walk over to a window and gaze outside as you discuss an issue. You will look as if you are giving deep consideration to the discussion and the bigger person can't have a height advantage when you aren't looking at them. Finally, acting assertively can also minimize height differences. These strategies will put you “head and shoulders” above the height intimidators and let you “stand tall” among those who try to “get one up” over you.
Summary
Height differences have a significant impact on relationships, but height and power are often just perceptions. Shorter people can increase their perceived height and are more likely to be remembered as taller when they wear dark-colored clothing, pinstriped suits or trouser suits, softer, more muted makeup (for women), and full-size chronograph watches. The smaller the watch size, the less clout a person is perceived to have. Standing erect, sitting up straight, and “walking tall” are ways of giving yourself a confident appearance and, because of the law of cause and effect, you will feel more confident when you do these things.
Chapter 17
SEATING ARRANGEMENTS—
WHERE TO SIT AND WHY
“Just feel at home and tell me all about it!”
Where you sit in relation to other people is an effective way of obtaining cooperation from them. Aspects of their attitude toward you can also be revealed in the seating position they take relative to you.
We conducted surveys with seminar delegates during the 1970's, 1980's, and 1990's to determine which positions at a table they felt gave the best result for communicating specific attitudes. We did this by delegate involvement at seminars and by using survey questionnaires from our database. The first major study in seating positions was conducted by psychologist Robert Sommer from the University of California, who analyzed a cross section of students and children in public and social situations such as bars and restaurants. We applied Sommer's findings to seating positions in business and negotiation situations. While there are marginal differences between cultures and the relationships between people, we have summarized here the seating positions you will encounter most of the time in most situations.
In his book NonVerbal Communication in Human Interaction, Mark Knapp from the University of Vermont noted that, although there is a general formula for interpretation of seating positions,