The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [117]
Getting a Decision Over Dinner
Bearing in mind what has already been said about human territories and the use of square, rectangular, and round tables, let's consider the dynamics of going to a restaurant for a meal, but where your objective is to get a favorable response to a proposition.
If you are going to do business over dinner, it's a wise strategy to complete most of the conversation before the food arrives. Once everyone starts eating, the conversation can come to a standstill and alcohol dulls the brain. After you've eaten, the stomach takes blood away from the brain to help digestion, making it harder for people to think clearly. While some men hope to achieve these types of effects with a woman on a date, it can be disastrous in business. Present your proposals while everyone is mentally alert.
No one ever makes a decision with their mouth full.
A hundred thousand years ago, ancestral man would return with his kill at the end of a hunting day and he and his group would share it inside a communal cave. A fire was lit at the entrance to the cave to ward off predators and to provide warmth. Each caveman sat with his back against the wall of the cave to avoid the possibility of being attacked from behind while he was engrossed in eating his meal. The only sounds that were heard were the gnashing and gnawing of teeth and the crackle of the fire. This ancient process of food sharing around an open fire at dusk was the beginning of a social event that modern man re-enacts at barbecues, cookouts, and dinner parties. Modern man also reacts and behaves at these events in much the same way as he did over a hundred thousand years ago.
Now to our restaurant or dinner party: getting a decision in your favor is easier when the other person is relaxed and his defensive barriers have been lowered. To achieve this end, and keeping in mind what has already been said about our ancestors, a few simple rules need to be followed.
First, whether you are dining at home or at a restaurant, have the other person sitting with his back to a solid wall or screen. Research shows that respiration, heart rate, brainwave frequencies, and blood pressure rapidly increase when a person sits with his back to an open space, particularly where others are moving about. Tension is further increased if the person's back is toward an open door or a window at ground level. So this is a good position to seat someone when you want to unnerve or rattle. Next, the lights should be dimmed and muffled background music should be played to relax the senses. Many top restaurants have an open fireplace or fire facsimile near the entrance of the restaurant to re-create the effects of the fire that burned at the ancient cave feasts. It would be best to use a round table and to have the other person's view of other people obscured by a screen or large green plant if you want a captive audience.
Top restaurants use these relaxation techniques to extract large amounts of money from their customers' wallets for ordinary food, and men have been using them for thousands of years to create a romantic atmosphere for their women. It's far easier to obtain a favorable decision under these circumstances than it will ever be in restaurants that have bright lighting, tables and chairs placed in open areas, and the banging of plates, knives, and forks.
Summary
Seating positions should not be accidental; placing certain people in specific positions can affect the outcome of a meeting. The next time you go to a meeting with anyone, ask yourself: who is the person you want to influence most and where is the best position to sit to achieve this? Who is likely to want to argue or oppose? If there is no appointed leader, who has claimed a seating position to give themselves the most power? If you want to control, where should you sit? The answers to these questions will not only give you a powerful edge, they will prevent others from trying to dominate or control the meeting.
Chapter 18
INTERVIEWS, POWER
PLAYS, AND
OFFICE POLITICS