The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [120]
When Someone Keeps You Waiting
If someone keeps you waiting for more than twenty minutes it shows either they're disorganized or it could be a form of power play. Keeping someone waiting is an effective way of reducing their status and enhancing the status of the person who is making them wait. This same effect can be seen when people are waiting in line at a restaurant or cinema—everyone assumes that the wait is going to be worthwhile, otherwise why would we all be waiting?
Always take a book, PDA, laptop, or office work, which shows that you too are busy and are not prepared to be inconvenienced. When the person who has kept you waiting comes out to meet you let them speak first, lift your head slowly from your work and greet them, then pack up smoothly and confidently. Another good strategy when made to wait is to take out some financial papers and a calculator and do calculations. When they call for you say, “I'll be ready in a moment—I'll just finish these calculations.” Or you could make all your cellphone calls. The clear message you are sending is that you're a very busy person and are not being inconvenienced by their disorganization. And if you suspect the other person is playing a power game, arrange for an urgent call to be put through to you during your meeting. Take the call, loudly mention large amounts of money, drop in a well-known name or two, tell the caller you never settle for second best and that they are to report back to you as soon as possible. Hang up the phone, apologize for the interruption, and continue as if nothing had happened. Hey, it works for James Bond…it'll work for you.
If the other person takes a phone call during the meeting or a third person enters and begins what seems like a long conversation, take out your book or homework and begin to read. This gives them privacy and demonstrates that you don't waste your time. If you feel the person is doing these things intentionally, take out your own cell phone and make several important follow-up calls about the important ventures you were discussing earlier.
Fake It Till You Make It?
If you avoid Hand-to-Face gestures and always talk using openness signals, does this mean you can tell some real whoppers and get away with it? Well… not necessarily, because if you use open positions when you know you're lying, your palms are likely to sweat, your cheeks may twitch, and your pupils constrict. The most competent liars are those who can go into their acting role and act as if they actually believe the lie. A professional actor who can do this better than anyone else is presented with an Oscar. While we are not suggesting you tell lies, there is powerful evidence that if you practice the positive skills we've mentioned throughout this book, they will become second nature to you and serve you well for the rest of your life.
Scientists proved the “fake it till you make it” concept using tests on birds. In many bird species, the more dominant a bird is, the darker its plumage will be. Darker-colored birds are first in line for food and mates. Researchers took a number of lighter, weaker birds and dyed their plumage dark so that these birds would be “lying” to the other birds that they were dominant. But the result was that the “liar” birds were attacked by the real dominant birds because the “liars” were still displaying weak and submissive body language. In the next tests the weaker birds, both male and female, were not only dyed but also injected with testosterone hormones to make them act dominantly This time the “liars” succeeded as they began strutting around acting in confident, superior ways, which completely fooled the real dominant birds. This demonstrates that you need to cast yourself into a believable role in an interview and mentally practice in advance how you