The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [13]
In summary, it is difficult to fake body language for a long period of time, but, as we will discuss, it's important to learn how to use positive body language to communicate with others and to eliminate negative body language that may give out the wrong message. This can make it more comfortable to be with others and make you more acceptable to them, which is one of the aims of this book.
How to Become a Great Reader
Set aside at least fifteen minutes a day to study the body language of other people, as well as acquiring a conscious awareness of your own gestures. A good reading ground is anywhere that people meet and interact. An airport is a particularly good place for observing the entire spectrum of human gestures, as people openly express eagerness, anger, sorrow, happiness, impatience, and many other emotions through body language. Social functions, business meetings, and parties are also excellent. When you become proficient at the art of reading body language, you can go to a party, sit in a corner all evening, and have an exciting time just watching other people's body-language rituals.
Modern humans are worse at reading
body signals than our ancestors because we
are now distracted by words.
Television also offers an excellent way of learning. Turn down the sound and try to understand what is happening by first watching the picture. By turning the sound up every few minutes, you will be able to check how accurate your nonverbal readings are and, before long, it will be possible to watch an entire program without any sound and understand what is happening, just as deaf people do.
Learning to read body-language signals not only makes you more acutely aware of how others try to dominate and manipulate, it brings the realization that others are also doing the same to us and, most important, it teaches us to be more sensitive to other people's feelings and emotions.
We have now witnessed the emergence of a new kind of social scientist—the Body Language Watcher. Just as the birdwatcher loves watching birds and their behavior, so the Body Language Watcher delights in watching the nonverbal cues and signals of human beings. He watches them at social functions, at beaches, on television, at the office, or anywhere that people interact. He's a student of behavior who wants to learn about the actions of his fellow humans so that he may ultimately learn more about himself and how he can improve his relationships with others.
What's the difference between an observer and a stalker?
A clipboard and pen.
Chapter 2
THE POWER IS IN
YOUR HANDS
How the Palms and Handshakes
Are Used to Control
In ancient times, open palms were used to show
that no weapons were being concealed
It was Adam's first day on the job with his new PR company and he wanted to make a good impression on everyone. As he was introduced to colleague after colleague, he shook their hands enthusiastically and gave everyone a broad smile. Adam stood six foot three inches tall and was good-looking, well dressed, and certainly looked like a successful PR man. He always gave a firm handshake, just the way his father had taught him when he was young. So firm, in fact, that it drew blood on the ring fingers of two female colleagues and left several others feeling injured. Other men competed with Adam's handshake—that's what men do. The women, however, suffered in silence and soon were whispering, “Stay away from that new guy Adam—he's a bruiser!” The men never brought it up—but the women simply avoided Adam. And half the firm's bosses were women.
Here's a handy thought—whether you are heavy-handed or high-handed, engage in sleight of hand to avoid a hand-to-mouth existence, you might have to show your hand sometimes to gain the upper hand. Don't get caught red-handed, or try to wash your hands of a mistake, because if you bite the hand that feeds you, things could get out of