The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [48]
Thumb displays revealing
confident, authoritative attitudes
Arms-Folded-with-Thumbs-Pointing-Upward is another common thumb cluster. This is a double signal, showing a defensive or negative attitude (folded arms), plus a superior attitude revealed by the thumbs. The person using this cluster usually gestures with his thumbs when he talks, and rocks on the balls of his feet when standing.
Closing himself off but still feeling superior
The thumb can also be used as a signal of ridicule or disrespect when it is used to point at another person. For example, the husband who leans across to his friend, points toward his wife with his thumb and says, “She always nags,” is inviting an argument with her. In this case, the shaking thumb is used as a pointer to ridicule her. Consequently, thumb-pointing is irritating to most women, particularly when a man does it. The Thumb-Shaking gesture is not common among women, although they sometimes use the gesture to point at people they don't like.
“She always nags me!”
Summary
The thumbs have been used as a sign of power and authority for thousands of years. In Roman times, the thumb held up or down meant life or death to a gladiator. Even without any training, others intuitively decode thumb signals and seem to understand their meaning. You are now in a position not only to decode thumb signs, but to train yourself to use them.
Chapter 7
EVALUATION AND
DECEIT SIGNALS
Decoding Hand-to-Face Gestures
Bill Clinton in front of the grand jury—
what do you think he's thinking?
If you told the absolute truth to everyone you interacted with, what would be the result? If you said the exact words going through your mind as you thought them, what consequences would it bring? For example:
To your boss: “Good morning, boss—you talentless slob.”
Man to a female customer: “Thanks for your business, Susan, and may I say what wonderful firm breasts you have.”
Woman to a male neighbor: “Thanks for helping me with my groceries. You've got a nice tight butt, but who the hell cuts your hair?”
To your mother-in-law: “It's nice to see you again—you interfering, negative old bat.”
When a woman asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?” what is your answer? If you are a man, and you know what's good for you, you'd say she looked good. But you might have been thinking, “The dress doesn't make you look fat—it's all the cake and ice cream you eat that makes you look fat.”
If you told everyone the complete truth all the time, you'd not only end up lonely, you might even end up in a hospital or prison. Lying is the oil that greases our interactions with others and lets us maintain friendly social relationships. These are called White Lies because their goal is to make others feel comfortable instead of telling them the cold, hard truth. Research shows that social liars are more popular than those who continually tell the truth, even though we know the social liar is lying to us. Malicious Lies, however, are where one person deliberately sets out to deceive another for personal benefit.
Lying Research
The least dependable signs of lying are the ones over which a person has the most control, such as words, because a person can rehearse their lies. The most reliable clues to lying are the gestures a person makes automatically, because they have little or no control over them. These responses are most likely to happen during lies because they are emotionally the most important things to the liar.
Robert Feldman at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst studied 121 couples as they had a conversation with a third person. One third of the participants were told to appear likeable, while another third were instructed to seem competent, and the rest were asked just to be themselves. All participants were then asked to watch the video of themselves and identify any lies they had told during the conversation, no matter how big or small. Some lies were white lies, such as saying they liked someone when they