The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [67]
Our Intimate Zone (between six and eighteen inches) is normally entered by another person for one of two reasons: first, the intruder is a close relative or friend, or he or she may be making sexual advances; second, the intruder is hostile and may be about to attack. While we will tolerate strangers moving within our Personal and Social Zones, the intrusion of a stranger into our Intimate Zone causes physiological changes to take place within our bodies. The heart pumps faster, adrenaline pours into the bloodstream, and blood is pumped to the brain and the muscles as physical preparations for a possible fight-or-flight situation are made.
This means that putting your arm, in a friendly way, around someone you've just met may result in that person feeling negative toward you, even though they may smile and appear to enjoy it in order not to offend you.
Women stand slightly closer to one another, face each
other more, and touch more than men do with other men.
If you want people to feel comfortable around you, the golden rule is “keep your distance.” The more intimate our relationship is with other people, the closer they will permit us to move within their zones. For example, a new work employee may initially feel that the other staff members are cold toward him, but they are only keeping him in the Social Zone until they know him better. As he becomes better known to them, the distance between them decreases until eventually he is permitted to move within their Personal Zones and, in some cases, their Intimate Zones.
Who Is Moving In on Whom?
The distance that two people keep their hips apart when they embrace reveals clues about the relationship between them. Lovers press their torsos against each other and move within each other's close Intimate Zones. This differs from the kiss received from a stranger on New Year's Eve, from your best friend's spouse, or dear old Aunt Sally, all of whom keep their pelvic area at least six inches away from yours.
One of the exceptions to the distance/intimacy rule occurs where the spatial distance is based on the person's social standing. For example, the CEO of a company may be the weekend fishing buddy of one of his subordinates and when they go fishing each may move within the other's Personal or Intimate Zone. At the office, however, the CEO keeps his fishing buddy at the social distance to maintain the unwritten code of social-strata rules.
Why We Hate Riding in Elevators
Crowding at concerts, cinemas, in trains or buses results in unavoidable intrusion into other people's Intimate Zones, and people's reactions are fascinating to watch. There is a list of unwritten rules that most cultures follow rigidly when faced with a crowded situation such as a packed elevator, in a line at the sandwich shop, or on public transport.
Here are the common elevator-riding rules:
There will be no talking to anyone, including a person you know.
Avoid eye contact with others at all times.
Maintain a “poker face”—no emotion is permitted to be shown.
If you have a book or newspaper, pretend to be deeply engrossed in it.
In bigger crowds, no body movement is allowed.
You must watch the floor numbers change at all times.
This behavior is called “masking” and is common everywhere. It's simply each person's attempt to hide their emotions from others by wearing a neutral mask.
We often hear words such as “miserable,” “unhappy,” and “despondent” used to describe people who travel to work in the rush hour on public transport. These labels are used to describe the blank, expressionless look on the faces of the travelers, but are misjudgments on the part of the observer. What the observer sees, in fact, is a group of people masking—adhering to the rules that apply to the unavoidable invasion of their Intimate Zones in a crowded public place.
The people traveling in the subway aren't
unhappy; they're just masking their emotions.
Notice how you behave next time you go alone to a crowded cinema. As you choose a seat that is surrounded