The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [71]
If the boss of the house asks a visitor to be seated and the person innocently sits in the wrong chair, the boss can become agitated about this invasion of his territory and be put on the defensive. A simple question such as, “Which chair is yours?” can avoid the negative results of making such a territorial error.
Car Territory
People driving a car can react in a way that's often completely unlike their normal social, territorial behavior.
A motor vehicle seems to have a magnifying effect on the size of a person's Personal Space. In some cases, this territory is magnified up to ten times the normal size, so the driver feels that he has a claim to an area of twenty-five to thirty feet in front of and behind his car. When another driver cuts in front of him, even if it wasn't dangerous, the driver may go through a physiological change, becoming angry and even attacking the other driver in what is now known as “Road Rage.” Compare this to the situation that occurs when the same person is stepping into an elevator and another person steps in front of him, invading his personal territory. His reaction in those circumstances is normally apologetic and he allows the other person to go first: dramatically different from what happens when the same person cuts in front of him on the open road.
In a car, many people think they're invisible. That's why
they make intimate adjustments in full view of everyone.
For some people, the car becomes a protective cocoon in which they can hide from the outside world. As they drive slowly beside the curb, almost in the gutter, they can be as big a hazard on the road as the driver with the expanded Personal Space. Italians, with their smaller spatial needs, are often accused of being tailgaters and pushy on the motorways because they are closer than is culturally accepted elsewhere.
Take the Test
Look at the next illustration and decide what the possible scenarios could be between the two people, based entirely on their spatial distances. A few simple questions and further observation of these people can reveal the correct answer and can help you avoid making incorrect assumptions.
Who is who and from where?
We could make any one of the following assumptions about these people:
Both people are city dwellers and the man is making an intimate approach to the woman.
The man has a smaller Intimate Zone than the woman and is innocently invading hers.
The woman is from a culture with smaller Intimate Zone needs.
The couple feels emotionally close to each other.
Summary
Others will invite or reject you, depending on the respect that you have for their Personal Space. This is why the happy-go-lucky person who slaps everyone he meets on the back or continually touches people during a conversation is secretly disliked by everyone. Many factors can affect the spatial distance a person takes in relation to others, so it's wise to consider every criterion before making a judgment about why a person is keeping a certain distance.
Chapter 10
HOW THE LEGS
REVEAL WHAT THE
MIND WANTS TO DO
Mark sat there with his legs wide apart, stroking his tie and massaging
the saltshaker. He hadn't noticed that, for the past twenty minutes, her legs
had been crossed away from him and pointing toward the nearest exit
The farther away from the brain a body part is positioned, the less awareness we have of what it is doing. For example, most people are aware of their face and what expressions and gestures they are displaying and we can even practice some expressions to “put on a brave face” or “give a disapproving look,” “grin and bear it,” or “look happy” when Grandma gives you ugly underwear again for your birthday After our face, we are less aware of our arms and hands, then our chest and stomach, and we are least aware of