The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [82]
A woman will feel intimidated by a man
who uses the Legs-Spread in business situations.
Our videotaped meetings reveal that many women respond by crossing their legs and arms, which immediately puts them on the defensive. The advice for men here is clear—keep your legs together in business meetings. If you're a woman who is constantly confronted by a crotch-displaying male, don't react when he does it. It can work against you only if you respond defensively. Instead, try talking to his crotch—responses such as “You've got a good point there, Bob” and “I can see where you're coming from” can teach a valuable lesson as well as causing riotous laughter when used at the right time.
Leg-Over-the-Arm-of-Chair
This is mainly done by men because it also uses the Legs-Spread. It not only signifies the man's ownership of the chair, it also signals that he has an informal, aggressive attitude.
Informality, indifference, and lack of concern
It is common to see two male friends laughing and joking with each other while sitting this way, but let's consider its impact in different circumstances. Let's say an employee has a personal problem and goes to ask his boss for advice. As the employee explains, he leans forward in the chair, his hands on his knees, his head down, with a dejected expression and voice lowered. The boss listens, sitting motionless, then leans back in his chair and puts one leg over the arm. The boss's attitude has now changed to lack of concern or indifference. In other words, he has little concern for the employee or his problem and he may even feel that his time is being wasted with the “same old story.” So what was the boss indifferent about? He may have considered the employee's problem, decided that it's not much of a problem anyway, and become disinterested. He may even tell his employee not to worry and that the problem will simply go away. As long as the boss's leg stays over the arm of the chair, his indifferent attitude will persist. When the employee leaves the office, the boss breathes a sigh of relief and says to himself, “Thank heavens he's gone!” and takes his leg off the arm of the chair.
The Leg-Over-the-Arm-of-Chair can be annoying when it occurs during negotiation, and it is vital to make that person change position because the longer he stays in it, the longer he will have an indifferent or aggressive attitude. An easy way to do this is to ask him to lean across and look at something, or, if you have a wicked sense of humor, tell him there's a split in his trousers.
Straddling a Chair
Centuries ago, men used shields to protect themselves from the spears and clubs of the enemy, and today, civilized man uses whatever he has at his disposal to symbolize this same protective behavior when he is under physical or verbal attack. This includes standing behind a gate, doorway, fence, desk, or the open door of his motor vehicle and straddling a chair.
The Straddler wants to dominate or control while, at the same time, protecting his front
The back of the chair acts as a shield to protect the body and can transform a person into an aggressive, dominant personality. Men also have their legs spread in a wide Crotch Display, adding male assertion to the position. Most Straddlers are dominant types who will try to take control of others when they become bored with the conversation, and the back of the chair serves as good protection from any “attack” by other members of the group. The Straddler is often discreet and can slip into the straddle position almost unnoticed.
The easiest way to disarm the Straddler is to stand up or sit behind him, making him feel vulnerable to attack and forcing him to change his position. This can work well in a group situation because the Straddler will have his back exposed and this compels him to change to another position.
So what would you do with a Straddler on a swivel chair? It is pointless to try to reason with a crotch-displaying man on a merry-go-round, so the best defense is nonverbal. Conduct your conversation standing up