The Devotion of Suspect X - Keigo Higashino [111]
She had wondered why the police kept wanting an alibi for the day after Togashi was murdered. Even before the detectives had come, Ishigami had given her explicit instructions about what she was to do on the night of the tenth. The movie, ramen, karaoke, and even the late-night telephone call. She had done everything according to his instructions, not knowing why she was doing any of it. When the detectives asked about her alibi, she had told them exactly what she had done, but in truth she had wanted to ask them: why are you asking me about the tenth?
Now it all made sense. Ishigami had led them into a trap. And yet, what a terrible trap it was. Even though she realized that there could be no other explanation, she still didn’t believe it. No, she didn’t want to believe it. She didn’t want to think Ishigami had done what he had done. She didn’t want to think about how he had thrown away his life for an average middle-aged woman with hardly any redeeming qualities, and certainly no great allure. Yasuko didn’t think her heart was strong enough to accept such a sacrifice.
She covered her face in her hands. She wished her mind could stop working. She didn’t want to think about anything. Yukawa had said he wouldn’t tell the police. It was all conjecture—he didn’t have any proof. It was up to her to decide what was to be done. He had given her a choice. A spitefully cruel choice.
Uncertain of what she should do, and lacking even the strength to stand, she crouched, frozen like a twisted stone, while the long minutes crawled by.
Suddenly someone tapped her on the shoulder. Her head jerked upward.
Someone was standing by the bench. Her eyes focused and she realized it was Kudo looking down at her, concern on his face.
“What’s wrong?”
It took her a while to understand why Kudo was there. She stared blankly up at him for some time before she remembered that they’d planned to meet. He must have come looking for her when she wasn’t at the restaurant.
“I’m sorry. I was … tired.” She couldn’t think of a better excuse than that. And it was true. She was exhausted. Not her body, but her soul.
“Are you sick?” Kudo’s voice was gentle.
Too gentle, to Yasuko’s ears, and entirely out of place. Not knowing the truth could be a crime in and of itself, she realized. A crime she had been committing until only moments before.
“I’m … all right.” Hesitantly Yasuko stood. She wobbled, and Kudo offered his arm.
“Did something happen? You look pale.”
Yasuko shook her head. She couldn’t explain what had happened. Not to him. Not to anyone.
“It’s nothing. I felt a little queasy and had to rest. But I think it’s passed now.” She tried to sound confident, but lacked the strength.
“My car is parked right over there. Do you want to rest a bit first before we go?”
She met his eyes. “Go where?”
“I’ve made reservations at a restaurant. I told them seven, but I don’t think it will matter if we’re a half hour late.”
“Oh.”
The very word restaurant sounded like something alien. Would she have to go to a restaurant and eat now? Would she have to pretend to smile with this black lump in her chest? Smile, and nod, and daintily wield her fork and knife? Not that any of this was Kudo’s fault.
“I’m sorry,” Yasuko whispered. “I don’t think I can. Not tonight. I think I need to take a rain check until I’m feeling better. Today I am … I’m just…”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Kudo said, patting her arm. “I think you’re right. It’s no wonder you’re tired, with all you’ve been through. Rest today. You probably haven’t had a chance to really rest for some time. I should have left you alone. It was thoughtless of me. I’m sorry.”
Yasuko looked at Kudo, marveling at how genuinely nice he was. He truly cared for her. It made her sad to wonder why she couldn’t be happy with so much love to be had.
She walked beside him, his hand resting lightly against her back. His car was parked a short distance down the road. When they reached it, he offered to