The Diaper-Free Baby_ The Natural Toilet Training Alternative - Christine Gross-Loh [15]
Some parents may be willing to follow EC but feel as if they are not practicing it as well as their partners are. Again, this isn’t uncommon. One partner often takes more of the lead in EC, and as a result, the other partner might feel less confident. Encourage your partner to form his or her own EC relationship with your child. Although you may rely on cues, your partner may use timing, or vice versa. I have a friend, Kate, whose husband never pottied their newborn, Lucia. One day Kate had positioned Lucia on the potty but had to leave for a second, so she told her husband, “Hold her here! Just go pssss till she pees,” and left him with Lucia. After just a few more instances in which she asked her husband to take Lucia’s diapers off and put her on the potty, he no longer needed instructions! Like Kate, guide your partner and then step back. Your child will also help to lead the way.
When we first began EC, I managed to catch a few pees. My husband said, “Oh good, you just saved three diapers!” But at that point, he still wasn’t really sure why he should help with this. Now he understands, has more confidence, and practices EC when he can.
—ILANA, MOM TO LIAM, 11 MONTHS
My husband participated from the beginning. I had to explain EC and model it for him, but once he had his first catch, he sure preferred practicing EC to changing a diaper!
—LISA, MOM TO KAI, 3, AND NOE, 2
I wanted to try EC out of curiosity. My wife and I spent a lot of time traveling in Southeast Asia and India and we never saw kids in diapers. When Leslie got pregnant, I would tell her, “You know I don’t believe in diapers; I’m not putting him in diapers.” I was just joking, but she would get upset and say, “I don’t want pee all over the house.” Shortly before our son was born, I read an article about EC. It confirmed my theory that if you don’t get a kid used to a diaper, he figures everything out much quicker. I was committed to finding out more, so I bought a book on EC. I realized it was much more about a philosophy of communication than a specific technique. This is what really sold me. I asked my wife to read part of the book, and she was also convinced. But when we began practicing EC, I was still taking the lead.
—KEVIN, DAD TO KAYDEN, 3 MONTHS
I was the one who was more gung ho about EC at first. It was difficult. My partner, Randi, got upset every time I took Rowan to the bathroom, especially if he fussed a bit. But I persisted, and within a few weeks Rowan became visibly excited whenever I took him to the bathroom, and quite happy when I caught a pee. That’s what convinced Randi to keep going.
—CHARLES, DAD TO ROWAN, 8 MONTHS
My husband was a little skeptical when I started telling him about EC, but he remained open-minded and receptive. He is enthusiastic now because of how empowered our baby is to stay in a dry diaper and to communicate with us. My husband is also better than I am at picking up clear signals and cueing our boy to pee. Since my husband doesn’t get to nurse, I think EC is a great bonding opportunity for them.
—EMILY, MOM TO OSCAR, 6 MONTHS
Many EC’ing couples who both work outside the home have also had great success getting their caregivers on board with EC. When looking for a nanny, some parents include EC in the interview process or seek out caregivers who come from cultures where EC is a mainstream practice. Others do not have such high expectations at the beginning but still find that, with time, their caregivers are receptive to trying EC. Caregivers can be just as intuitive and connected as parents. Some caregivers even experience what EC’ers call “phantom pees,” when you imagine you’ve been peed on but it hasn’t really happened—a sign that baby probably needs to pee.
Of course, if your caregiver remains resistant, you can still practice EC part-time during the times you yourself are home with the baby.
My caregiver