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Signing ASL for “potty”

Timing (right after a meal, before or after outings, after naps)

Intuition (a sudden feeling your baby probably has to go; this is usually also based on a loose, unconscious awareness of baby’s timing and when he last went)

Shivering

Blowing raspberries

Passing gas

For boys, a slightly swollen penis

“Warning” pees—a slight discharge of urine shortly before a real pee

“Phantom pees”—if baby is worn on you, a feeling of warmth even if baby hasn’t gone yet—especially if baby is diaper-free

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It’s not too soon to use an actual toilet, either. The newborn in-arms position over a toilet, as discussed in chapter 4, is still a good position for your older baby to go in. (I still hold my three-year-old this way if I don’t want him to come into contact with a dirty public toilet. It’s really convenient that he has always been comfortable in this position.) This position is, of course, adaptable; some parents find it works best to sit straddling the toilet with baby right in front of them. But bigger babies are actually now able to go onto the toilet with a seat insert, although you need to stay nearby and support their bodies.

Summary of Positions

Newborn in-arms hold over a toilet, sink, or bowl

Potty sitting position

Parent straddling the toilet and holding baby

Baby on toilet alone (with seat insert, and holding parent’s hand)

Parents can sit on the toilet with their baby or toddler, either facing the toilet or facing out.

The newborn in-arms position

Neshama, ten months, bonding with Mommy while on the toilet

Starting Slow

If you’re the type that likes to plunge right in, more power to you! However, I like to recommend starting out slowly, with low expectations, especially if you’re new to this. Small successes are so encouraging. Starting out small might mean that you begin by aiming for one opportunity a day (notice that I say opportunity, not necessarily a catch)—say, right before bath time, or after a nap. Make it your aim to let your baby enjoy a bit of time on the potty with a toy. Or you could take her diaper off for a little bit and just see where that takes you. Many EC’ers also recommend simply putting your baby over the potty whenever you happen to be changing her diaper. This really takes no extra effort if her diaper is already off and you have a potty right by the changing table. Remember: if you catch her peeing, even if not into an actual potty, don’t forget to make your cue sound! And stay positive and affirming. This is a matter-of-fact bodily function that comes naturally to your baby. You want her to associate toilet time with loving, bonding time with you.

How long should you keep your baby on the potty? You will quickly develop a sense for this. Most experienced EC’ers find that they know within a few seconds whether the baby will have to go. If your baby is fine in the position but not going to the bathroom, this may mean she needs a bit of time to relax her muscles and release her pee. Cue her (“psss!”) while you are waiting, as the association she’s already formed will help her to go. If your baby looks away, does not look intent, or even squirms out of your arms, this is very likely a sign that she is not interested and doesn’t need to use the toilet at that time. However, there may also be a period of time before baby gets accustomed to the new potty or in-arms position, especially if she is an older baby, when she may act somewhat squirmy or resistant, even if she does have to go. Remember to introduce her slowly and gently, backing off if she seems uncomfortable.

If your baby is very resistant to the idea of sitting on the potty or in the in-arms position over the toilet, consider giving her some diaper-free time over a fleece pad on the floor, during which you can cue her if she happens to go. This way she will be able to associate the cueing sound with going to the bathroom, which is a crucial first step to regaining the bodily awareness she was born with.

Making the Most of Potty Time

While your baby is on