The Diaper-Free Baby_ The Natural Toilet Training Alternative - Christine Gross-Loh [52]
—ERIN, MOM TO EVE, 4, AND GRACE, 6 MONTHS
I have tons of misses sometimes! I try to remind myself that if I am relaxed about it, he will be more relaxed, and that it will go more smoothly. I also tell myself that it is a gradual process just like learning to do anything else (to eat, walk, get dressed, etc.).
—ILANA, MOM TO LIAM, 9 MONTHS
We’ve had out-of-sync days and occasional refusals to potty and then a miss a few minutes later. We just change and move on. We try to remember that these are great opportunities to communicate and that there will be many more changes later on. When there is a real pattern of misses, I’ve tried to focus on my son more and get reconnected by spending time “with” him and not just “near” him.
—GIGI, MOM TO BEN, 18 MONTHS
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Troubleshooting: Common Issues, Simple Solutions
Issue: Your baby doesn’t seem aware of her own elimination
Try: Increasing diaper-free or training-pants time. A short-term investment in diaper-free time can have a big impact on your baby’s awareness.
Issue: Your baby doesn’t want to sit on the potty at all
Try: Seeing if he would be amenable to another potty or a potty in a different location. Laurie Boucke also recommends keeping the potty warm with a soft potty cover. If that doesn’t seem to do the trick, try leaving the potty for now and coming back to it in a few weeks. In the meantime, talk about the potty, have an open-door policy when you are going to the bathroom, cue stuffed animals on the potty, and, if your child shows interest, encourage him to pee somewhere else when cued (outdoors, standing up over a loose diaper or a bowl, or even in the bathtub). That way he will at least begin to develop an association between cueing and releasing his muscles to eliminate. When you’re ready to introduce the potty again, encourage him to sit on the potty (clothed or with his diaper on if it seems that would help).
Issue: Your child is peeing very frequently with no discernible patterns
Try: Giving yourself permission to catch just some of the pees. Communicate about his other pees as much as you can. Avoid stress—many EC’ing parents with frequent pees find it works best to scale back. Check your child’s diet to see if he is eating anything that could have diuretic effects (such as melon), or if he could be experiencing a food allergy, especially if he’s not usually urinating this frequently. Constipation can also cause frequent peeing and/or dribbling.
Issue: You’re having a lot of misses in a row
Try: Backing up. Use the “three-miss rule”: three misses and back in a diaper, which alleviates any frustration you might feel about misses or messes. You can start over the next day (or whenever you feel ready to). Sometimes starting over completely—starting slowly with one usually reliable catch of the day (like morning or after a nap), then building on that over the next few days, can work well. Don’t abandon EC completely, though. Remain relaxed, but keep it up.
Issue: Your child holds it on the potty, but pees right after getting off
Try: Helping him relax while on the potty. Perhaps a change of scenery or toys is what he needs. He may also want to try something different (the toilet instead of a potty, for example). Do remember that holding it on the potty and then peeing right after getting off is a typical stage that even conventionally toilet-trained children may go through. You can regard this as a positive sign that your child is starting to make a strong connection between elimination and the potty.
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IF YOU’RE CONTINUING EC FROM AN EARLIER STAGE
The steps I just outlined—developing awareness, making associations, and learning where to go to the bathroom—are intended primarily for parents who are coming to EC for the first time with their older babies, but they are also useful refreshers for those of you who have been practicing EC since the newborn or middle-infancy stages. This