The Diaper-Free Baby_ The Natural Toilet Training Alternative - Christine Gross-Loh [54]
Potty pauses are also a sign that your baby wants to take more initiative for himself. He is becoming so independent now that this is normal and should be welcomed as an important part of his development. It’s the beginning of a stage in which you are going to work together with your baby to address his needs (not just EC) in much more tangible ways. The challenge is to figure out ways to accommodate and encourage his growing independence while gently guiding him.
Your baby might enjoy being able to choose between two potties, for example, or to choose which room to use. It goes without saying that having a potty that you can bring right to your child as he’s playing will help as well. Some babies this age will start to signal you after they’ve gone to the bathroom. This is a terrific sign that they are making some connection with their bodily awareness and are also honing their abilities to convey this to you. If that’s something you find your baby doing, do change him when he lets you know his diaper is wet or dirty.
It’s also very common to have brief potty pauses when your child is going through a developmental spurt such as learning to crawl, walk, or talk. Teething and illness commonly disrupt sleeping or eating patterns, and your child’s elimination is not immune, either.
And sometimes, babies can have what appear to be potty pauses but technically aren’t, since they are very aware of their elimination and are choosing where to go to the bathroom. Ruby, daughter of my friend Lara, went through a phase where she chose not to use an actual potty as much as she used to when she was in midinfancy. Instead, she would head to a little chair (not a potty chair!) whenever she had to pee. Because she was so consistent and so obviously in touch with her body, this was different from a potty pause. Lara was great in supporting Ruby to maintain this awareness; she waterproofed the chair and kept communicating with her during this phase. The fact that Ruby was going to the chair of her own initiative whenever she needed to pee was actually an early manifestation of what many EC’ed toddlers often do: take themselves to the bathroom.
On occasion, it can sometimes be the case that a potty pause is a sign of a subtle power struggle between you and your child. Although it is a maxim of EC to stay as relaxed as possible, I know it’s not always easy. Even the most easygoing parents report occasional frustration or expectations with EC, just as any parent would over other parenting issues such as eating or sleeping or even diaper changes. And when that happens, your baby can sense and react to your unspoken expectations and frustrations.
Don’t beat yourself up about this; it’s very normal and most parents go through power struggles to some degree now and then. One of the best things you can do for both you and your baby is to step back. Scale down. Offer the potty less. Decide to try EC again the next time or the next day. Tell yourself that you’re just going to catch one or two pees (rather than most of them) or even simply remain aware of one of his pees. And keep reminding yourself that EC is not about results, it is about the process of communication. Keep those channels of communication open. I like what I’ve heard several EC’ers say: if your baby is reluctant to use a potty and is having misses, remind yourself that she is trying to communicate something to you! Maintain your side of the conversation—keep talking to your child about his elimination, even if it’s happening in a diaper most of the time.
Many times, potty pauses are very brief, lasting only a day or two. But sometimes they can stretch out quite a bit longer, and some parents may feel like giving up and pottying their child later in a more conventional way.
Of course, this is a choice you could make. But I’d urge