The Diary of a Nobody [53]
"I am not going to stop, but I have brought with me a sealed envelope, which I know I can trust with Mrs. Pooter. In that sealed envelope is a strip of paper on which I have asked a simple question. If the spirits can answer that question, I will believe in Spiritualism."
I ventured the expression that it might be impossible.
Mrs. James said: "Oh no! it is of common occurrence for the spirits to answer questions under such conditions - and even for them to write on locked slates. It is quite worth trying. If 'Lina' is in a good temper, she is certain to do it."
Gowing said: "All right; then I shall be a firm believer. I shall perhaps drop in about half-past nine or ten, and hear the result."
He then left and we sat a long time. Cummings wanted to know something about some undertaking in which he was concerned, but he could get no answer of any description whatever - at which he said he was very disappointed and was afraid there was not much in table-turning after all. I thought this rather selfish of him. The seance was very similar to the one last night, almost the same in fact. So we turned to the letter. "Lina" took a long time answering the question, but eventually spelt out "ROSES, LILIES, AND COWS." There was great rocking of the table at this time, and Mrs. James said: "If that is Captain Drinkwater, let us ask him the answer as well?"
It was the spirit of the Captain, and, most singular, he gave the same identical answer: "ROSES, LILIES, AND COWS."
I cannot describe the agitation with which Carrie broke the seal, or the disappointment we felt on reading the question, to which the answer was so inappropriate. The question was, "WHAT'S OLD POOTER'S AGE?"
This quite decided me.
As I had put my foot down on Spiritualism years ago, so I would again.
I am pretty easy-going as a rule, but I can be extremely firm when driven to it.
I said slowly, as I turned up the gas: "This is the last of this nonsense that shall ever take place under my roof. I regret I permitted myself to be a party to such tomfoolery. If there is anything in it - which I doubt - it is nothing of any good, and I WON'T HAVE IT AGAIN. That is enough."
Mrs. James said: "I think, Mr. Pooter, you are rather over- stepping - "
I said: "Hush, madam. I am master of this house - please understand that."
Mrs. James made an observation which I sincerely hope I was mistaken in. I was in such a rage I could not quite catch what she said. But if I thought she said what it sounded like, she should never enter the house again.
CHAPTER XXIII.
Lupin leaves us. We dine at his new apartments, and hear some extraordinary information respecting the wealth of Mr. Murray Posh. Meet Miss Lilian Posh. Am sent for by Mr. Hardfur Huttle. Important.
July 1. - I find, on looking over my diary, nothing of any consequence has taken place during the last month. To-day we lose Lupin, who has taken furnished apartments at Bayswater, near his friends, Mr. and Mrs. Murray Posh, at two guineas a week. I think this is most extravagant of him, as it is half his salary. Lupin says one never loses by a good address, and, to use his own expression, Brickfield Terrace is a bit "off." Whether he means it is "far off" I do not know. I have long since given up trying to understand his curious expressions. I said the neighbourhood had always been good enough for his parents. His reply was: "It is no question of being good or bad. There is no money in it, and I am not going to rot away my life in the suburbs."
We are sorry to lose him, but perhaps he will get on better by himself, and there may be some truth in his remark that an old and a young horse can't pull together in the same cart.
Gowing called, and said that the house seemed quite peaceful, and like old times. He liked Master Lupin very well, but he occasionally suffered from what he could not help - youth.
July 2. - Cummings called, looked very pale, and said he had been very ill again, and of course not a single friend had been near him.
I ventured the expression that it might be impossible.
Mrs. James said: "Oh no! it is of common occurrence for the spirits to answer questions under such conditions - and even for them to write on locked slates. It is quite worth trying. If 'Lina' is in a good temper, she is certain to do it."
Gowing said: "All right; then I shall be a firm believer. I shall perhaps drop in about half-past nine or ten, and hear the result."
He then left and we sat a long time. Cummings wanted to know something about some undertaking in which he was concerned, but he could get no answer of any description whatever - at which he said he was very disappointed and was afraid there was not much in table-turning after all. I thought this rather selfish of him. The seance was very similar to the one last night, almost the same in fact. So we turned to the letter. "Lina" took a long time answering the question, but eventually spelt out "ROSES, LILIES, AND COWS." There was great rocking of the table at this time, and Mrs. James said: "If that is Captain Drinkwater, let us ask him the answer as well?"
It was the spirit of the Captain, and, most singular, he gave the same identical answer: "ROSES, LILIES, AND COWS."
I cannot describe the agitation with which Carrie broke the seal, or the disappointment we felt on reading the question, to which the answer was so inappropriate. The question was, "WHAT'S OLD POOTER'S AGE?"
This quite decided me.
As I had put my foot down on Spiritualism years ago, so I would again.
I am pretty easy-going as a rule, but I can be extremely firm when driven to it.
I said slowly, as I turned up the gas: "This is the last of this nonsense that shall ever take place under my roof. I regret I permitted myself to be a party to such tomfoolery. If there is anything in it - which I doubt - it is nothing of any good, and I WON'T HAVE IT AGAIN. That is enough."
Mrs. James said: "I think, Mr. Pooter, you are rather over- stepping - "
I said: "Hush, madam. I am master of this house - please understand that."
Mrs. James made an observation which I sincerely hope I was mistaken in. I was in such a rage I could not quite catch what she said. But if I thought she said what it sounded like, she should never enter the house again.
CHAPTER XXIII.
Lupin leaves us. We dine at his new apartments, and hear some extraordinary information respecting the wealth of Mr. Murray Posh. Meet Miss Lilian Posh. Am sent for by Mr. Hardfur Huttle. Important.
July 1. - I find, on looking over my diary, nothing of any consequence has taken place during the last month. To-day we lose Lupin, who has taken furnished apartments at Bayswater, near his friends, Mr. and Mrs. Murray Posh, at two guineas a week. I think this is most extravagant of him, as it is half his salary. Lupin says one never loses by a good address, and, to use his own expression, Brickfield Terrace is a bit "off." Whether he means it is "far off" I do not know. I have long since given up trying to understand his curious expressions. I said the neighbourhood had always been good enough for his parents. His reply was: "It is no question of being good or bad. There is no money in it, and I am not going to rot away my life in the suburbs."
We are sorry to lose him, but perhaps he will get on better by himself, and there may be some truth in his remark that an old and a young horse can't pull together in the same cart.
Gowing called, and said that the house seemed quite peaceful, and like old times. He liked Master Lupin very well, but he occasionally suffered from what he could not help - youth.
July 2. - Cummings called, looked very pale, and said he had been very ill again, and of course not a single friend had been near him.