The Doctor [109]
quietly in the face. He knew them all, men from the camps and the line, men from the hills and mining claims, men from the saloons and the gambling hells. Many he had treated professionally, some he had himself nursed back to health, others he had rescued from those desperate moods that end in death. Others again--and these not a few--he had "cleaned out" at poker or "Black Jack." But to all of them he was "white." Not so to himself. It was a very humble man and a very penitent, that stood looking them in the face. His first words were a confession.
"I am not worthy to stand here before you," he began, in a low, clear tone, "God knows, you know, and I know. I am here for two reasons: one is that I promised my brother, the Reverend Richard Boyle"--here a gasp of surprise was audible from one and another in the audience--"a man you know to be a good man, better than ever I can hope to be."
"Durned if he is!" grunted "Peachy" to "Mexico." "Ain't in the same bunch!"
"An' that's thrue fer ye," answered Tommy. But "Mexico" paid no heed to these remarks. He was staring at the speaker with the look of a man wholly bewildered.
"And the other reason is," continued, the doctor, "that I have something which I think it fair to tell you men. Like a lot of you, I have carried a name that is not my own." Here significant looks were gravely exchanged. "They gave it to me by mistake when I reached the Pass. I didn't care much at that time about names or anything else, so I let it go. There are times in a fellow's life when he's not unwilling to forget his name. My name is Boyle." And then, in sentences simple, clean-cut, and terse, he told of his boyhood days, the Old Mill, the two boys growing up together, their love for and their loyalty to each other, their struggles and their success. Then came a pause. The speaker had obviously come to a difficult spot in his story. The men waited in earnest, grave, and deeply moved expectation. "At that time a great calamity came to me--no matter what--and it threw me clear off my balance. I lost my head and lost my nerve, and just then--" again the speaker paused, as if to gather strength to continue--"and just then my brother did me a wrong. Not being in a condition to judge fairly, I magnified the wrong a thousand-fold and I tried to tear my brother out of my heart. I could not and I would not forgive him, and I couldn't cease to love him. I lived a life of misery, misery so great that it drove me from everything in earth that I held dear, and for three years I went steadily down from bad to worse. I came to the Crow's Nest a year and a half ago. My life since then most of you know well."
"Bedad we do! An' Hivin bliss ye!" burst forth Tommy Tate, who had found the greatest difficulty in controlling his emotions of indignation and grief during the doctor's self-condemnatory tale. At Tommy's words a quiet thrill ran through the crowd, for few men of those present but held the doctor in affectionate esteem. The sins of which he was conscious and which humiliated him before them were, in their estimation, but trivial.
For a moment the speaker was thrown off his track by Tommy's outburst, but, recovering himself, he went on. "It would be wrong to say that my life here has been all bad. I have been able to serve many of you, but my work has done far more for me than it has for you. But for it I should have long ago gone down out of sight. I confess that it has been a hard fight for me, an awful fight, to stay at my work, but the day that I heard that my brother was your missionary brought me the hardest fight I had had for many a day. I wanted to get away from the past. For nearly four years I had been carrying round a heart with hell in it. I had begun to forget a little, but that day it all came back. This week I met my brother. I found him dying, almost dead, up in the Big Horn Valley. That morning my heart carried hell in it. To-day it is like what I think heaven must be." As he spoke these words a light broke over his face, and again he stood
"I am not worthy to stand here before you," he began, in a low, clear tone, "God knows, you know, and I know. I am here for two reasons: one is that I promised my brother, the Reverend Richard Boyle"--here a gasp of surprise was audible from one and another in the audience--"a man you know to be a good man, better than ever I can hope to be."
"Durned if he is!" grunted "Peachy" to "Mexico." "Ain't in the same bunch!"
"An' that's thrue fer ye," answered Tommy. But "Mexico" paid no heed to these remarks. He was staring at the speaker with the look of a man wholly bewildered.
"And the other reason is," continued, the doctor, "that I have something which I think it fair to tell you men. Like a lot of you, I have carried a name that is not my own." Here significant looks were gravely exchanged. "They gave it to me by mistake when I reached the Pass. I didn't care much at that time about names or anything else, so I let it go. There are times in a fellow's life when he's not unwilling to forget his name. My name is Boyle." And then, in sentences simple, clean-cut, and terse, he told of his boyhood days, the Old Mill, the two boys growing up together, their love for and their loyalty to each other, their struggles and their success. Then came a pause. The speaker had obviously come to a difficult spot in his story. The men waited in earnest, grave, and deeply moved expectation. "At that time a great calamity came to me--no matter what--and it threw me clear off my balance. I lost my head and lost my nerve, and just then--" again the speaker paused, as if to gather strength to continue--"and just then my brother did me a wrong. Not being in a condition to judge fairly, I magnified the wrong a thousand-fold and I tried to tear my brother out of my heart. I could not and I would not forgive him, and I couldn't cease to love him. I lived a life of misery, misery so great that it drove me from everything in earth that I held dear, and for three years I went steadily down from bad to worse. I came to the Crow's Nest a year and a half ago. My life since then most of you know well."
"Bedad we do! An' Hivin bliss ye!" burst forth Tommy Tate, who had found the greatest difficulty in controlling his emotions of indignation and grief during the doctor's self-condemnatory tale. At Tommy's words a quiet thrill ran through the crowd, for few men of those present but held the doctor in affectionate esteem. The sins of which he was conscious and which humiliated him before them were, in their estimation, but trivial.
For a moment the speaker was thrown off his track by Tommy's outburst, but, recovering himself, he went on. "It would be wrong to say that my life here has been all bad. I have been able to serve many of you, but my work has done far more for me than it has for you. But for it I should have long ago gone down out of sight. I confess that it has been a hard fight for me, an awful fight, to stay at my work, but the day that I heard that my brother was your missionary brought me the hardest fight I had had for many a day. I wanted to get away from the past. For nearly four years I had been carrying round a heart with hell in it. I had begun to forget a little, but that day it all came back. This week I met my brother. I found him dying, almost dead, up in the Big Horn Valley. That morning my heart carried hell in it. To-day it is like what I think heaven must be." As he spoke these words a light broke over his face, and again he stood