The Dog Behavior Answer Book - Arden Moore [93]
A With the divorce rate at about 40 percent, more and more dogs are getting caught in an emotional tug-of-war between dueling spouses. When couples feud, the yelling, slamming doors, and icy silences can take an emotional and physical toll on their ever-loyal dogs. Just like kids, dogs can actually become physically ill because of the heightened level of stress in the house. Behavioral problems may develop, such as separation anxiety or signs of aggression.
Divorce often brings out the worst in people when emotions run high. Dogs can become pawns in divorce settlements, and they can become the real victims. I’ve heard of cases in which one spouse would not let the other spouse see the dog, and basically used the dog for leverage for a final settlement deal. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Like you, many couples work out an amicable agreement to share custody rather than using the dog as a weapon. To maintain a sense of normalcy for your dog, stick to your everyday routines as much as possible. Dogs are creatures of habit and look forward to regular activities, such as the Saturday trip to the dog park or their morning game of tug-of-war. They are adaptable, though, and can certainly adjust to different routines in two separate households.
Let me share the story of a couple who successfully kept their dog in mind during their divorce. This East Coast couple regarded their Labrador retriever as their four-legged kid and neither wanted to be without him. During their separation and ultimate divorce, Beau was the only topic the couple did not fight about. Neither wanted the dog to feel torn loyalties, so they worked out an informal custody arrangement in which Beau would switch households every six weeks to three months. The two now live about 250 miles apart, so they meet halfway to transfer Beau from one car to the other. Although he initially displayed confusion and sadness by barking and constantly seeking attention, Beau is always delighted to see the other person and has learned that he can be secure in two different places.
PAW PRINTS
At the end of the Beatles’ song, A Day in the Life, Paul Mccartney recorded an ultrasonic whistle, audible only to dogs, as a message for his Shetland sheepdog.
Sticking to familiar rituals is vital. When Beau is with the ex-husband, the two enjoy long daily walks. When Beau stays with the ex-wife, they play a favorite game called “Shoe for a Chew.” The rules are simple: Beau retrieves a shoe from the closet in exchange for a chew treat. During his absence, each owner occasionally sends Beau a small toy or treat with his or her scent on it, and they talk to him on the phone once in a while. Beau sniffs attentively when he receives a toy, card, or treat in the mail from one of his pet parents. Several years after the divorce, he happily moves between his households with no signs of stress or anxiety.
Banish the Packing Box Blues
Q With our kids out of college and starting their own lives, my wife and I find that our house in Connecticut is just too big for the two of us and Emma, our three-year-old spaniel. We have decided to take early retirement and move to a much smaller condo in one of our favorite vacation places, Palm Springs, CA. We are worried about Emma, who is very much a member of our family. She gets a bit nervous when there is a change in the daily routine. We don’t know how she will react when she sees packing boxes all over the house and moving men coming through the front door. How can we make this move a smooth one for her?
A Congratulations on your plans to start over. Palm Springs is