The Doll - Bolesaw Prus [333]
‘A handsome man,’ she thought.
One summer day she had met him in the gateway of the house she lived in. Wokulski looked at her with interest, and she was overcome with such embarrassment that she blushed to the roots of her hair. She was vexed with herself for this embarrassment and blushing, and had been cross with Wokulski for a long time because he looked at her so curiously.
From that time on, she had been unable to conceal her embarrassment whenever his name was mentioned in her presence: she felt a sort of compunction, but did not know whether it was for him or for herself. But it was rather for herself, for she never felt compunction for other people; and in the end — what fault was it of his that she should be so absurd and embarrassed without any cause?
When Wokulski bought the house she was living in, and when Rzecki lowered the rent with his approval, Mrs Stawska (although they explained
‘He’s an extraordinary man,’ Mrs Misiewicz would tell her, sometimes. Mrs Stawska listened in silence, but gradually decided that Wokulski was the most extraordinary man who existed in this world.
After Wokulski’s return from Paris, the old clerk visited Mrs Stawska more often, and made ever greater confidences in her. He said — as a very great secret, of course — that Wokulski was in love with Miss Łęcka and that he, Rzecki, didn’t approve at all.
Dislike for Miss Łęcka and sympathy for Wokulski began increasing within Mrs Stawska. Already at that time it occurred to her, though only for a moment, that Wokulski must be terribly unhappy, and that anyone who extricated him from the wiles of the coquette would be most deserving.
Later, two great catastrophes befell Mrs Stawska: the trial over the doll, and the loss of her earnings. Not only did Wokulski continue his acquaintance with her, which after all he need not have done; but he even exonerated her in court, and offered her a well-paid post in the store. Then Mrs Stawska admitted to herself that this man concerned her, and that he was as dear to her as Helena and her mother.
From that time on, a strange life began for her. Everyone who visited them spoke to her of Wokulski, either directly or by implication. Mrs Denowa, Mrs Kolerowa and Mrs Radzińska explained to her that Wokulski was the best match in Warsaw; her mother insisted that Ludwik was dead and, even if he weren’t, then he didn’t deserve to have her remember him. Finally Rzecki, whenever he called, told her that his Staś was unhappy, that he must be saved and that the only person who could save him was herself.
‘How?’ she asked, not understanding properly what she was saying.
‘Love him, and a way will be found,’ Rzecki replied.
She did not reply, but privately reproached herself bitterly because she could not love Wokulski, although she wanted to. Her heart had dried up: she wasn’t even sure whether she still had one. Admittedly, she thought continuously of Wokulski during her work in the store, or at home; she looked forward to his visits, and was irritable and sad when he didn’t come. She often dreamed about him, but that, after all, is not love; she was not capable of love. To tell the truth, she had even stopped loving her husband. It seemed to her that memories of the absent are like a tree in autumn, from which leaves fall in drifts, leaving only a black skeleton.
‘What has love to do with me?’ she thought, ‘all passion is spent in me.’
Meanwhile, Rzecki was still carrying on his sly plans. First he told her that Miss Łęcka would ruin Wokulski, then that only another woman could bring him to his senses; then he confided that Wokulski was much more tranquil in her company and finally (though he said this in the form of an implication) that Wokulski was beginning to love her.
Influenced by these confidences, Mrs Stawska grew thinner, looked poorly, even began to be afraid. For she was dominated by one thought: what would she say if Wokulski were to confess that he loved her? Admittedly her heart had long since died, but would she have the courage