The Dud Avocado - Elaine Dundy [51]
“But that was in front of the Etats-Unis, not the Rotonde, don’t you remember?” I corrected him quickly.
“Well, how do I know what happened? I didn’t see anything, did I?”
I always expect people to behave much better than I do. When they actually behave worse, I am frankly incredulous.
“But of course it was outside the Etats-Unis,” I explained to him patiently. “I remember it distinctly. I remember because we’d just finished tangling with——” I went up to the desk of the Head Flic. “This is ridiculous!” I exploded. “Of course that man was trying to steal the bag. I saw the whole thing from the café window. It should be apparent to a moron that he’s a congenital liar”—“un menteur sérieux,” I said—“and if anyone here can accuse anyone else of assault it’s me, because he tried to assault me——”
“Very well, mademoiselle. You may tell the magistrate all this in the morning when you appear.”
“Don’t be crazy, Gorce,” said Dave, dragging me away by the arm. “Don’t get mixed up in this. Play it cool. Please forgive her, officer, she’s just a little overexcited.”
“Do you wish to drop the charge?”
“Yeh, yeh. There’s been some misunderstanding. We’re sorry about the whole thing. Come on, lads.”
“I’m afraid,” said the flic-in-charge, “that your friend will have to stay anyway, to answer the countercharge of assault. Leave the suitcase. It is evidence. You may go.”
Dave turned to us and shrugged helplessly, as though he’d done his best to save us, and I looked over at Jim dumbfounded. I could have wept at what I saw—the poor sap—from hero to patsy in just one hour had left him looking dogged and manly, but not a little dazed.
I swung on Dave. “Why you stinker. What made you chicken out?”
“Look, give me credit for knowing a little more about these things than you do. Can’t you see these guys are all prejudiced? Haven’t you ever heard of anti-Americanism? Go Home Yankee? Just wise up and don’t stick your neck out. If you’re smart,” he said, turning to Jim, “you’ll take my advice. Apologize all round, say it was a big mistake, offer to pay some compensation and get out. But quick, understand? Get away from here and stay away”
“But we’re in the right” said Jim mildly.
“I hope they steal the car next time,” I said to Dave. “The whole silly old pile of affected junk.”
Dave turned to Zop-zop. “You see my point, don’t you? These kids. Maybe they can afford to get their names all over the papers, I can’t. I’m a Fulbright.”
Zop-zop chewed his cud for a while and then made one of his few utterances. “Shame to lose that suitcase,” he drawled, “but I guess you’ll have to if you’re going to take your own advice about getting away from here and staying away. Can’t very well ask Jim to bring it back with him afterwards——” his voice trailed away.
We all three of us looked at Dave and then at one another, awaiting the decision. Dave looked at the suitcase and then at the keys to his car that he was jiggling in his hand. He didn’t disappoint us. “It’s not important, anyway. Just some old clothes,” he grumbled finally, and shuffled off.
“I’ll take you home,” said Zop-zop to me. “Where do you live?”
“It’s not worth it for a couple of hours,” I said, making up my mind about something. “I’ll stay on with Jim. You can start sketching me,” I added over his objections.
“Well—take it easy,” said Zop-zop. “See you in the morning. Oh here——” and he left us a pack of cards.
I laid out the cards and began playing solitaire. Jim sketched. I thought of Uncle Roger, who was footing the bill: what had I said to him that day eight years ago, when he promised to give me my freedom and asked me what I was going to do with it? I’d said I wanted to stay out late and eat whatever I liked any time I wanted to. And I wanted to meet people I hadn’t been introduced to. And I wanted to guess right.…
I looked around the prefecture in the morning light. It was cold; I shivered. The paraffin stove that was supposed to heat the room had gone out and smelled awful. Everyone concerned was asleep; Jim, the Corsicans, even the guard was dozing.