The Education of Hailey Kendrick - Eileen Cook [61]
I realized I was crying, which made me mad. I dragged my sleeve across my face to wipe away the tears.
Joel touched my shoulder. “Don’t be upset.”
“I’m not upset!” My voice snagged in my throat, giving a hiccup sob. The tears came faster. Joel put his arm around me and had me sit on the bed. He knelt on the floor in front of me. Tristan and Kelsie didn’t have much in common, but Joel and I did. We were both overachievers, we liked to watch the news and debate the issues, and we both preferred books versus anything on TV. In theory he and I were perfectly matched, but I’d never thought of him that way before that night. Now I couldn’t tell if I was confused because I did like him, or that I liked that he liked me. Maybe I was only afraid of being left alone, especially if Tristan was picking Kelsie.
“I don’t think Kelsie or Tristan want you to be hurt,” Joel said.
“They should have told me. I know I’m in no position to be angry with Tristan, given what happened, but sneaking around means they think it’s wrong too. If Kelsie thought dating Tristan was fine, she would have said something. She and I are supposed to be best friends.”
“She’s hurt that you didn’t tell her who you were kissing that night.” He cut me off before I could protest. “I know why you didn’t tell her, but she doesn’t understand. Neither of them knew what to say, so they didn’t say anything.”
I sniffed. My nose was running. “Why didn’t you tell me? You could have warned me. I shouldn’t have had to hear that from Drew.”
Joel took both of my hands in his. He was on his knees, and I had the sudden fear he was going to propose.
“You’re right. I should have told you, but it was complicated. What happened between us that night? It wasn’t an accident. I’ve been in love with you for a long time. I should have told you about Tristan and Kelsie, but I think part of me wanted them to get together. I didn’t want to get in the way of it. I hoped that if they were a couple, you wouldn’t spend any more time worrying about him. I figured you wouldn’t feel bogged down with guilt. That maybe you would see me with new eyes.”
My heart sped up. I wanted to pick up my wet socks from the floor and shove them into Joel’s mouth to keep him from saying anything else. “We’ve been friends a long time,” I said, trying to remind him. Weren’t the best relationships supposed to be based on friendship? Was that enough?
“You know freshman year? I liked you even then. I remember how your dad had ordered the wrong size uniform for you. Those first few weeks you were always having to hitch your skirt back up and roll the sleeves on your sweater up until your new uniform arrived.”
“You never said anything to me. You never acted like you liked me,” I said.
“The first time I got up the guts to talk to you, you asked about Tristan, my roommate.”
I flinched. “Sorry.”
“Can’t say I blame you. Tristan was already, you know, Tristan, and I was such a dork back then. I weighed, like, eighty pounds. Remember how everyone called me the beanpole?”
I smiled, but if I had been honest, I would have told Joel that I didn’t have a lot of memories of him from freshman year. I’d been so homesick at first. I’d felt lost among all these people who seemed totally comfortable living without their parents. I hadn’t wanted to screw anything up, and then suddenly in the middle of all of that there was Tristan. He always seemed so confident and was so good-looking. Tristan always teased me about how hard to get I’d been in those first few weeks, but I hadn’t been playing at anything. It had never occurred to me that he would actually like me. The fact that he’d been flirting with me had sailed right over my head.
“I never knew,” I said. “You never said anything, even after what happened at the statue.”
“I guess I hoped you’d realize it wasn’t an accident. Then when you didn’t, I didn’t want to push things. I hoped that eventually you would look around and notice me.” Joel shrugged. “I think I was