The Education of Millionaires - Michael Ellsberg [42]
Being able to connect people to each other is a massive asset, which in turn helps grow the amount of people you know, which in turn grows your ability to connect people. Get the snowball rolling, and it may surprise you how fast it grows.
The question is: How do you get the snowball rolling when you don’t even have a pebble of snow? How do you use your network to grow your network when you don’t have a network yet? This is a crucial question, which we’ll address later in the chapter. But first, let’s talk about the second major component of connection capital.
■ A SWISS ARMY KNIFE OF ADVICE
The second major component of connection capital is your ability to give relevant and valuable advice.
Give advice? To someone who is more successful and powerful than you? Huh?
Absolutely. Here’s how.
Eben says that the three areas of life the majority of people spend most of their time worrying about are money, relationships, and health. In my experience, very few people have all three of these areas buttoned up in their life, at least not as much as they like. If you’re talking to someone whom society deems more successful than you, it’s probably the case that they are more successful in only one area (business, marketing, sales, fame, etc.).
In my experience, almost every person I’ve met who is, by societal standards, much more successful than I, is also struggling with at least one area or issue about which I know quite a bit more than they do. They’re human, just like you and me, and humans have problems.
I’m going to teach you two questions that, if you put them into use at parties, events, and conferences, will change your life forever and will grow your network faster than you ever thought possible:1. What’s most exciting for you right now in your life/ business?
2. What’s challenging for you in your life/business right now?
If it’s a personal context (cocktail party, dinner party, etc.), ask about their life; if it’s a business context (conference, networking event, etc.), ask about their business. Note: These shouldn’t be the first words out of your mouth when you initially meet someone. Of course not. You’ve got to have some trust and rapport going in the conversation first. But if you start peppering these questions in your conversations with new people you meet, and then honestly try to help them with whatever goals, aspirations, or challenges they mention in response, you’ll be amazed at the networking magic that occurs.
I often find that when I ask these questions of people whom I’d like to mentor or guide me, I have insights, resources, or connections that could help them in the area of whatever they answer. Whatever the answers to these questions are, I listen attentively and compassionately, and if I know of someone or something useful to these causes or issues, I recommend it. I am constantly seeking out ways I can be of service to the people I talk with, in ways that are meaningful and impactful to them.
Maybe it’s a health concern that they mention, or a relationship issue, maybe even some specific aspect of their business with which I have experience and they don’t. I refer them to books, courses, and websites that have been useful to me in dealing with whatever issues they mention, and could help them as well. I often make a note and send them the book I’ve referred them to. And of course, I refer them to other people I know who can help them with that specific issue, goal, or problem. (See the section on the value of “Your Already-Existing Connections” in this chapter.)
Sometimes, just an ear to listen, an empathetic understanding, or a dose of commonsense guidance is a massive gift you can give. You think rich, powerful, and well-connected people don’t struggle with anything in their lives?
In the case of Eben, through