The Education of Millionaires - Michael Ellsberg [56]
OK, OK, you’re really persistent on this point! Well, worry not. There is a great answer. The answer is: if you’re just starting out on your path, and you’ve got nothing else to give, then give your enthusiasm and your willingness to implement other people’s advice. This is worth a lot more than you think.
Keith Ferrazzi (http://www.keithferrazzi.com) is the author of the New York Times bestsellers Never Eat Alone and Other Secrets to Success: One Relationship at a Time and Who’s Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep, Trusting Relationships That Create Success—and Won’t Let You Fail. These two books are absolutely required reading if you’re interested in anything in this chapter—two of the best books on networking and connecting ever written. Keith, who graduated from Yale and holds an MBA from Harvard, is widely considered one of the world’s top experts on success through relationship building and other so-called soft skills.
I asked Keith about how to give when you feel you’ve got nothing to give. He told me: “People always ask this question, when they’re starting out, what do I have to give? But it’s just the opposite—you have a lot to give when you’re just starting out. The greatest gift you can give another person is the feeling of making a difference, a legacy, an importance.
“I get too many requests from kids who will reach out to me and say, ‘Mr. Ferrazzi, I saw your speech, or I heard you on something or other. Can I have dinner with you, or coffee with you, and pick your brain on things?’ And this is totally the wrong way to go about it. I want to say to them, ‘Read my books, then talk to me.’ The rudeness of wanting me to regurgitate what I’ve already written down and spent years telling people is ridiculous.
“The right way to go about it is to be generous with the person you want to connect with. And in this case, the generosity is: you tell a story. Tell a story about how you drew inspiration from their teachings and their example, how it impacted your life, and all the ways you’re passing that gift on to others now. If you move me enough with what you’ve accomplished with my teachings and how you’re serving others, then yes, of course I want to help you. I’ve helped all kinds of young people who have reached out to me with their stories of the amazing things they’ve done applying the concepts in my books. When I invest my time and effort in helping a young person, the dividend I receive in return is their gratitude, and their success.”
Keith told me a story of how he put this concept into action when he was the young person seeking advice from a powerful mentor. “When I was kid, I built a relationship with the chairman of Baxter International at the time, Vernon Loucks. At least once a quarter, I would ping him, send him a simple update e-mail, and let him know how his advice was beneficial to me—how I applied it, how it’s been helpful, then thank him effusively, praise how much I respect him, and then follow up right after that with another question. A quarter later, I’d tell him how I applied that advice, and what happened then. It was a lovely cycle. I stayed in touch with him for years and years and years, and it was a wonderful relationship.”
Elliott Bisnow told me: “Everybody loves to give advice. If you ask someone in a genuine way to sit down with you, talk to you, give you advice, most people are happy to do it. It’s shocking how few people go and ask for advice. If you call someone and say, ‘Hey, I love what you’re doing, I think it’s incredible. I’d love your advice on something,’ most people will sit down and give you advice and talk with you and mentor you. But most people just never do that.
“There’s so many things that people just never do, which are available to them. It’s all about not going through the motions. Going to high school, going to college, playing sports. This is just doin’ what you’re supposed