The Egg Said Nothing - Caris O'Malley [18]
I started to feel pretty good about myself. I dismissed my mission and decided to watch some TV. There wasn’t really anything on, but I sat on the couch flipping channels for an hour or so. When I stood up to use the restroom, I noticed something was amiss.
My television had been on too loud to hear, but, directly behind me, I was making that goddamned video with my webcam.
“Hey!” I said. My double turned around.
“Oh, shit,” he said. “You fucked it up. Now I need to start over again.” He turned back toward the screen and started clicking the mouse loudly, like I do when I’m pissed off.
I stomped over to him. “What the hell are you doing?” It was so bizarre, viewing myself like this. To see the back of my own head intentionally ignoring me was too much. Not only was I in need of a haircut, the backside of me looked like a smug bastard. I grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around. He stared at me, murder in his eyes.
“What. The. Fuck. Do. You. Want?” he growled. A vein pulsed in his neck, throbbing to the beat of an incendiary heart.
“Listen, asshole. We are not making this video,” I said sternly, and, I’ll admit, a bit smugly.
“You’re a fucking idiot,” he said back to me. “This isn’t going to work. You aren’t going to change shit. You aren’t smart enough yet.” He turned back around and clicked with the mouse some more. I cocked my fist and swung a haymaker at the bastard, connecting with his ear.
“Motherfucker!” he yelled. Abruptly, he stood up from the chair and shoved me backwards. I regained my balance and charged at him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pinning him against the wall. I swung my fists into his sides.
“You son of a bitch!” I shouted, beating the shit out of myself. As I yelled, he caught me in the jaw with a lucky uppercut; my teeth clamped shut on my tongue. I cried out in pain and kicked him in the crotch. He doubled over, and I grabbed him by the back of the neck. I ran him across the room like a professional wrestler and slammed his head into the window. Glass flew everywhere; his head and shoulders cleared the frame. As I pushed him through, he spread his legs, hooking his ankles desperately around the wood. I gave him a solid kick, and he slid helplessly out the window. I heard a sickening thud and looked down into the street. Nothing was there.
Confused, I pulled my head back inside. I just threw myself out of a window. The window was broken. Glass was everywhere. It certainly looked like someone had been thrown to his death. As I leaned against the wall, trying to collect myself, my eyes focused on my computer.
And the asshole sitting at it.
“Hey!” I said.
“Oh, shit,” he said. “You fucked it up. Now I need to start over again.” He turned away from me, obviously pissed off.
“What the hell are you doing?” I demanded. My body moved automatically toward him. I noticed his overgrown hair before spinning his chair around and grabbing him.
“What. The. Fuck. Do. You. Want?” he demanded. I stared at him blankly for a moment, unsure of what was going on. Then, without my having to do anything, my body started acting, playing its role.
“Listen, asshole. We are not making this video,” I said.
“You’re a fucking idiot,” he replied. “This isn’t going to work. You aren’t going to change shit. You aren’t smart enough yet.”
My fist rose in the air. I watched, amazed, as yet again it swung around and clobbered the guy in the side of the head.
“Motherfucker!” he yelled, jumping to his feet. He pushed me. With nothing else to do, I ran at him, smashing him into the wall. My sense of self-preservation kicked in, and I swung my fists blindly. I felt a little more comfortable with every connected blow. One of us, I realized, was going out that window.
“You son of a bitch!” I shouted at him. He swung at me, catching me