The Eyes of the Beholders - A. C. Crispin [9]
Tight-lipped and stony-eyed, Selar left their beautifully appointed home and went to Sukat’s apartment to speak with him. Memories of that visit were still vivid in her mind, not one whit dimmed by the passage of years …
Sukat stared at her blankly, but through their bond she could feel his incredulous disappointment. “There must be some misunderstanding,” he said flatly, his handsome features darkening. “One does not sever a bonding for no reason.”
“I have a reason,” she replied steadily.
“But you have just said that I am fully acceptable, physically and mentally, and that I should not regard this decision as reflecting upon my desirability as a prospective mate,” he said, sounding both irritated and slightly shaken. “If that is true, then what possible reason for your rejection could there be?”
“I have a reason,” Selar repeated softly.
“May I know this reason?” he inquired, cold arrogance in his voice. Through the bond she could feel his disapproval.
“It is nothing to do with you, only with me, so I did not think it relevant to relate why I do not wish to marry you,” she said after a moment.
“Nevertheless, I wish to know. It is my right,” he insisted.
“Very well,” she said. For the first time she hesitated, her eyes falling before his intent stare. “I do not believe we would be … compatible,” she murmured.
“Compatible?” Sukat raised an eyebrow. “What has compatibility to do with anything? You sound like a human, with all their prating about love! What an illogical …” He groped for words. “Utterly … ridiculous … notion!”
“I do not believe it is ridiculous or illogical for a husband and wife to be comfortable and content in each other’s company,” she maintained. “I believe it is essential for their well-being, and for the welfare of their offspring.”
“I am comfortable with you.”
The moment had come. She’d hoped he wouldn’t push her to this extent; but he had, there was no remedy save the truth. “But I am not comfortable in your presence,” she announced bluntly. “When we are together I wish only to be apart from you. The idea of … physical intimacy … between us is not one I wish to contemplate.” As she finished, Selar longed for this interview to be over, to be outside, under the clear sky, tinged redder than ever with the rising of Vulcan’s companion planet.
“How can you say such things?” he demanded. “You told me yourself that I am one whom most females would regard as extremely desirable. Your reaction is totally illogical.”
“Perhaps my reaction is illogical, Sukat,” she admitted. “If so, so be it. I cannot marry you. Let us leave it at that.”
“You are a fool, T’Para,” he said coldly. “I am well rid of you.”
“That is not my name anymore,” she replied, scarcely noticing the insult, so relieved was she that this interview was almost concluded. “The ‘t’ prefix is only suitable for a bonded woman, and I am no longer one. I have selected a new name, to take with me on my new career in the Starfleet Medical Corps. As of tomorrow I will be Ensign Selar. I am going to break the bond now. I request that you do likewise.”
Without another word, she reached inside her own mind, knowing that Sukat was angered enough to obey, and severed the mental linkage. Then, feeling oddly naked, but intoxicatingly free, she turned and walked away …
Selar came out of her reverie with a start at the sound of her intercom. Mentally chastising herself for giving in to old memories, she pressed the switch to activate it. “Lieutenant Selar here.”
Doctor Beverly Crusher’s beautiful features, crowned with hair the color of Vulcan’s sky, filled her screen. “Selar, I’ve just received some bad news concerning Thala,” she began without preamble.
The Vulcan fought down a surge of anxiety, habit born of years of control keeping her features serene. “Has she been hurt?”
“Oh, no, nothing of the sort,” Crusher reassured her. “I’m sorry, I expressed it badly. Physically Thala is fine. But I just