The Eyre Affair_ A Novel - Jasper Fforde [252]
“Next and Havisham,” he said. “Something easy to begin with. Bloophole needs closing. It’s in Great Expectations, Miss Havisham, so you can go straight home afterwards.”
“Good,” she exclaimed. “What do we have to do?”
“Page two,” explained the Bellman, consulting his clipboard. “Abel Magwitch escapes—swims, one assumes—from a prison hulk with a ‘great iron’ on his leg. He’d sink like a stone. No Magwitch, no escape, no career in Australia, no cash to give to Pip, no ‘expectations,’ no story. He’s got to have the shackles still on him when he reaches the shore so Pip can fetch a file to release him, so you’re going to have to footle with the backstory. Any questions?”
“No,” replied Miss Havisham. “Thursday?”
“Er—no also,” I replied, my head still spinning after the Bellman’s speech. I was just going to walk in Miss Havisham’s shadow for a bit—which was, on reflection, a very good place to be.
“Good,” said the Bellman, signing a docket and tearing it off. “Take this to Wemmick in stores.”
He left us and called to Foyle and the Red Queen about a missing person named Cass in Silas Marner.
“Did you understand any of that?” asked Miss Havisham.
“Not really.”
“Good!” smiled Miss Havisham. “Confused is exactly how all cadets to Jurisfiction should enter their first assignment!”
26.
Assignment One: Bloophole Filled in Great Expectations
Bloophole: Term used to describe a narrative hole by the author that renders his/her work seemingly impossible. An unguarded bloophole may not cause damage for millions of readings, but then, quite suddenly and catastrophically, the book may unravel itself in a very dramatic fashion. Hence the Jurisfiction saying “A switch in a line can save a lot of time.”
TextMarker: An emergency device that outwardly resembles a flare pistol. Designed by the Jurisfiction Design & Technology department, the TextMarker allows a trapped PRO to “mark” the text of the book they are within using a predesignated code of bold, italics, underlining, etc., unique to the agent. Another agent may then jump in at the right page to effect a rescue. Works well as long as the rescuer is looking for the signal.
UNITARY AUTHORITY OF WARRINGTON CAT,
The Jurisfiction Guide to the Great Library (glossary)
MISS HAVISHAM had dispatched me to get some tea and meet her back at her desk, so I walked across to the refreshments.
“Good evening, Miss Next,” said a well-dressed young man in plus fours and a sports jacket. He had a well-trimmed mustache and a monocle screwed into his eye; he smiled and offered me his hand to shake. “Vernham Deane, resident cad of The Squire of High Potternews, D. Farquitt, 246 pages, softcover £3.99.”
I shook his hand.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he said sadly. “No one thinks much of Daphne Farquitt, but she sells a lot of books and she’s always been pretty good to me—apart from the chapter where I ravish the serving girl at Potternews Hall and then callously have her turned from the house. I didn’t want to, believe me.”
He looked at me with the same earnestness that Mrs. Dashwood had exhibited when explaining her actions in Sense and Sensibility. It sounded as though a preordained life could be something of a nuisance.
“I’ve not read the book,” I told him untruthfully, unwilling to get embroiled in Farquitt plot intricacies—I could be stuck here for days.
“Ah!” he said with some relief, then added: “You have a good teacher in Miss Havisham. Solid and dependable, but a stickler for rules. There are many shortcuts here that the more mature members either frown upon or have no knowledge of; will you permit me to show you around some time?”
I was touched by the courtesy.
“Thank you, Mr. Deane—I accept.”
“Vern,” he said. “Call me Vern. Listen, don’t rely too heavily on the ISBN numbers. The Bellman’s a bit of a technophile