The Eyre Affair_ A Novel - Jasper Fforde [354]
“Well, Mother was very upset about it and I think you should apologize.”
“Okay, next time—wait a moment, I’m dead—I can’t apologize to anyone. You apologize for me.”
“I’m a mnemonomorph, remember—and this is only me as a mindworm; a sort of satellite persona, if you like. Listen, if I knew where Thursday was, she’d be dead already. No, when I can report back to Aornis proper, this is what we’ll do—”
“Psssst!” said a voice close to my ear. It was Granny Next.
“Gran! Am I glad to see you!”
“C’mon, while Aornis is distracted.”
Gran took my hand and led me across the roof to the window, where we entered the building. But instead of being in the burning remains of Thornfield Hall, we were on the sidelines of a croquet match. Not any croquet match; it was a Croquet Federation Final—a SuperHoop. I used to play croquet quite seriously until SpecOps work absorbed all my free time. The two teams were in their body armor, leaning on their willow mallets and discussing strategy during a time-out.
“Okay,” said Aubrey Jambe, who was wearing the captain’s sweater, “Biffo is going to take the red ball from the forty-yard line over the rhododendron bushes, past the Italian sunken garden and into a close position to hoop five. Spike, you’ll take it from there and croquet their yellow—Stig will defend you. George, I want you to mark their number five. He’s a neanderthal, so you’re going to have to use any tricks you can. Smudger, you’re going to foul the duchess—when the vicar gives you the red card, I’m calling in Thursday. Yes?”
They all looked at me. I was in body armor, too. I was a substitute. A croquet mallet was slung round my wrist with a lanyard and I was holding a helmet.
“Thursday?” repeated Aubrey. “Are you okay? You look like you’re in a dreamworld!”
“I’m fine,” I said slowly. “I’ll wait for your command.”
“Good.”
A horn went off, indicating the time-out was over. I looked up at the scoreboard. Swindon was losing, 12 hoops to 21.
“Gran,” I said slowly, watching the team run out to continue play, “I don’t remember this.”
“Of course not!” she said as though I were a fool. “This is one of mine. Aornis will never find us here.”
“Wait a moment. How can I be dreaming with your memories?”
“Tch tch,” she scolded, “so many questions! It will all be explained in due course. Now, do you want to go into some of that deep, dreamless sleep and get some rest?”
“Please!”
“Good. Aornis will not bother you again tonight—I shall watch over you.”
Gran approached a burly croquet player who only had one ear. After saying a few words, she pointed at me. I looked around at the stadium. It was the Swindon croquet stadium, yet somehow different. Behind me at the dignitaries box I was surprised to see Yorrick Kaine speaking to one of his assistants. Next to him was President Formby, who gave me a smile and a wave. I turned away, my eyes looking into the crowd and falling upon the one person that I did want to see. It was Landen, and he was bouncing a young child on his lap.
“Landen!” I shouted, but a cheer went up from the crowd and I was drowned out. But he did see me and smiled. He held the infant’s hand and made it wave, too. Gran tugged my shoulder pad to get my attention.
“Gran,” I said, “it’s Lan—”
And then the mallet struck my head. Blackness and oblivion. As usual, just when I got to the good bit.
16.
Captain Nemo
Wemmick’s Stores: To enable Jurisfiction agents to travel easily and undetected within fiction, Wemmick’s Stores was built within the lobby of the Great Library. The stores have an almost unlimited inventory as Mr. Wemmick is permitted to create whatever he needs using a small Imagino TransferenceDevice licensed by Text Grand Central. To reduce pilfering by Jurisfiction staff, all items checked out must be checked in again, where they are promptly reduced to text.
CAT FORMERLY KNOWN AS CHESHIRE,
Guide to the Great Library
I WOKE LATE THE following morning. My bed was next to the porthole so I rolled over, doubled up a pillow and gazed out