The Eyre Affair_ A Novel - Jasper Fforde [499]
“Mr. Next, thank the gracious saint for his words. There is time enough to muse on his revealment, but right now I would like him to meet members of the Swindon Chamber of Commerce, which, I might add, is sponsored by St. Biddulph’s® Hundreds and Thousands, the cake decoration of choice. After that we might take some tea and carrot cake. Would he be agreeable to that?”
Joffy translated every word, and Zvlkx smiled happily.
“Look here, St. Zvlkx,” said Volescamper as they walked towards the marquee for tea and scones, “what was the thirteenth century like?”
“The Mayor wants to know what the thirteenth century was like—and no lip, sunshine.”
“Filthy, damp, disease-ridden and pestilential.”
“He said it was like London, Your Grace.”
St. Zvlkx looked at the weathered arch, the only visible evidence of his once great cathedral and asked, “What happened to my cathedral?”
“Burned during the dissolution of the monasteries.”
“Hot damn,” he muttered, eyebrows raised, “should haue seenthat coming.”
“Duis aute dolor in fugiat nulla pariatur,” murmured Friday, pointing at St. Zvlkx’s retreating form, rapidly vanishing in a crowd of well-wishers and newsmen.
“I have no idea, Sweetheart—but I’ve a feeling things are just beginning to get interesting.”
“Well,” said Lydia to the camera, “a revealment that could spell potential disaster for the Goliath Corporation and—”
Her producer was gesticulating wildly for her not to connect “Tyrant” with “Kaine” live on air.
“—an as-yet-unnamed tyrant. This is Lydia Startright, bringing you a miraculous event live for Toad News. And now a word from our sponsors, Goliath Pharmaceuticals, the makers of Hemmorrelief.”
12.
Spike and Cindy
Operative Spike Stoker was with SO-17, the Vampire and Werewolf Disposal Operations. Undeniably employed in the loneliest of the SpecOps divisions, SO-17 operatives worked in the twilight world of the semidead, changelings, vampires, lycanthropes and those of a generally evil disposition. Stoker had been decorated more times than I had read Three Men in a Boat, but then he was the only staker in the southwest, and no one in his right mind would do what he did on a SpecOps wage, except me. And only then when I was desperate for the cash.
Thursday Next, Thursday Next: A Life in SpecOps
Deep in thought, I pushed Friday back towards my car. The stakes had just been raised, and any chance that I might somehow influence the outcome of the SuperHoop was suddenly made that much more impossible. With Goliath and Kaine both having a vested interest in making sure the Swindon Mallets lost, chances of our victory had dropped from “highly unlikely” to “nigh impossible.”
“It explains,” said a voice, “why Goliath is changing to a faith-based corporate-management system.”
I turned to find my stalker, Millon de Floss, walking close behind me. It must have been important for him to contravene the blanket restraining order. I stopped for a moment. “Why do you think that?”
“Once they are a religion, they won’t be a ‘company named Goliathe’ as stated in Zvlkx’s prophecy,” observed Millon, “and they can avoid the revealment’s coming true. Sister Bettina, their own corporate precog, must have foreseen something like this and alerted them.”
“Does that mean,” I asked slowly, “that they’re taking St. Zvlkx seriously?”
“He’s too accurate not to be, Miss Next, however unlikely it may seem. Now that they know the complete Seventh Revealment, they’ll try to do anything to stop Swindon’s winning—and continue with the religion thing as a backup, just in case.”
It made sense—sort of. Dad must have known this or something very like it. None of it boded very well, but my father had said the likelihood of this Armageddon was only 22 percent, so the answer must be somewhere.
“I’m going to visit Goliathopolis this afternoon,” I said slowly. “Have you found out anything about Kaine?”
Millon rummaged in his pocket for a notepad, found it and flicked through the pages, which seemed to be full of numbers.
“It’s here somewhere,” he said apologetically.