The Eyre Affair_ A Novel - Jasper Fforde [649]
“I say,” came a voice that sounded like crumpets and tea at four o’clock sharp. “You, sir—with the horns.”
The Minotaur looked to where the voice had come from but still kept me within his vision. The interloper, of course, was the eccentric relative I’d just purchased for Landen’s book. He had left his packing case and stood facing the beast armed with nothing more than his walking stick.
“Now, run along, there’s a good chap,” he said, as though he were talking to a child.
The Minotaur curled a lip and breathed a threatening, “Begone!”
“Look here,” replied the character in the green and yellow checks. “I’m not sure I care for the tone of your voice.”
The Minotaur was suddenly a whirling mass of demonic destruction. He swung the frying pan toward the gentleman in an arc that could never have missed. But he did miss. There was a flash of silver, a blur of green and yellow, and the frying pan clattered to the floor—with the Minotaur’s hand still clutching it. The Minotaur looked at the frying pan, at the severed hand, then at his stump. He grimaced, gave out a deafening yell that shattered the windows of the shop and then evaporated into nothing as he jumped off and away.
“By gad, what a to-do,” exclaimed the gentleman as he calmly cleaned his sword-stick and returned it to his sheath. “Anyone know who he was?”
“The Minotaur.”
“Was he, by George?” exclaimed the gentleman in surprise. “Would have expected a better fight than that. Are you quite well?”
“Yes,” I answered, “thanks to you. That was a nifty piece of sword-work.”
“My dear girl, think nothing of it,” he replied with the ghost of a smile. “I was captain of the fencing team at Rugby.”
He was a handsome man in his mid-forties, and everything he did and said was liberally iced with a heavy coating of stiff British reserve. I couldn’t imagine what book he had come from or even why he’d been offered up as salvage.
“Thursday Next,” I said, putting out my hand.
“The plea sure is all mine, Ms. Next,” he replied. “Wing Commander Cornelius Scampton-Tappett at your ser vice.”
The customers were slowly coming back to peer into the store, but Murray was already placing Closed signs on the doors.
“So,” said Scampton-Tappett, “now that you’ve bought me, what would you have me do?”
“Oh…yes…right.”
I dug a calling card from my pocket, wrote down the title of Landen’s latest novel—Bananas for Edward—and handed it to him.
“Do what you can, would you? And if you need anything, you can contact me over at Jurisfiction.”
Scampton-Tappett raised an eyebrow, told me he would do the very best he could, tucked the jar containing his backstory under his arm and vanished.
I breathed a sigh of relief and glanced around. Thursday5 was regarding me with such a sense of abject loss and failure on her face that I thought at first she’d been hurt.
“Are you all right?”
She nodded and looked down. I followed her gaze. Lying at her feet was my pistol.
“Is that where it ended up after it was knocked from my grasp?”
She nodded miserably, her eyes brimming with tears of self-anger.
I sighed. She and I both knew that this was the end of the road when it came to her cadetship. If Scampton-Tappett hadn’t intervened, I might well be dead—and she’d done nothing to prevent it.
“You don’t have to say it,” she said. “I’m manifestly not cut out for this work and never shall be. I’d try to apologize, but I can’t think of words that could adequately express my shame.”
She took a deep breath, pulled the bow out of her hair, put it in her mouth and then gathered up her hair in a ponytail again before retying it. It was just the way I did it, and I suddenly felt a pang of guilt.