The Eyre Affair_ A Novel - Jasper Fforde [714]
I put the phone down.
“So where is he?” I asked.
“We don’t know,” replied the other Friday, “and since he’s a free radical whose movements are entirely in de pen dent of the SHE, we have no way of knowing where or when he is. The feckless, dopey, teenage act was a good one and had us all fooled—you especially.”
I narrowed my eyes. This was a surprising development. “What are you saying?”
“We’ve had some new information, and we think Friday might be actually causing the nondiscovery of the technology—conspiring with his future self to overthrow the ChronoGuard!”
“Sounds like a trumped-up bullshit charge for you to replace him,” I said, beginning to get annoyed.
“I’m serious, Mum. Friday is a dangerous historical fundamentalist who will do what ever it takes to achieve his own narrow agenda—to keep time as it was originally meant to run. If we don’t stop him, then the whole of history will roll up and there’ll be nothing left of any of us!”
“If he’s so dangerous,” I said slowly, “then why haven’t you eradicated him?”
Friday took a deep breath. “Mum? Like…duh. He’s a younger version of me and the future director-general. If we get rid of him, we get rid of ourselves. He’s clever, I’ll grant him that. But if he can stop time travel from being discovered, then he knows how it was invented in the first place. We need to speak to him. Now—where is he?”
“I don’t rat out my son, son,” I said in a mildly confusing way.
“I’m your son, Mum.”
“And I wouldn’t rat you out either, Sweetpea.”
Friday took a step forward and raised his voice a notch. “Mum, this is important. If you have any idea where he is, then you’re going to have to tell us—and don’t call me Sweetpea in front of my friends.”
“I don’t know where he is—Sweetpea—and if you want to talk to me in that tone of voice, you’ll go to your room.”
“This is beyond room, Mother.”
“Mum. It’s Mum. Friday always calls me Mum.”
“I’m Friday, Mum—your Friday.”
“No,” I said, “you’re another Friday—someone he might become. And do you know, I think I prefer the one who can barely talk and thinks soap is a type of TV show?”
Friday glared at me angrily. “You’ve got ten hours to hand him over. Harboring a time terrorist is a serious offense, and the punishment unspeakably unpleasant.”
I wasn’t fazed by his threats.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” I asked.
“Of course!”
“Then, by definition, so does he. Why don’t you take your SO-12 buddies and go play in the timestream until dinner?”
Friday made a harrumph noise, turned on his heels and departed, with his friends following quickly behind.
I closed the door and walked through to the hall where Landen was leaning on the newel post staring at me. He’d been listening to every word.
“Pumpkin, just what the hell’s going on?”
“I’m not sure myself, darling, but I’m beginning to think that Friday’s been making monkeys out of the pair of us.”
“Which Friday?”
“The hairy one that grunts a lot. He’s not a dozy slacker after all—he’s working undercover as some sort of historical fundamentalist. We need some answers, and I think I know where to find them. Friday may have tricked his parents, the SHE and half the ChronoGuard, but there’s one person no teenage boy ever managed to fool.”
“And that is?”
“His younger sister.”
“I can’t believe it took you so long to figure out,” said Tuesday, who agreed to spill the beans on her brother for the bargain price of a new bicycle, a thirty-pound gift card to MathWorld and lasagna three nights in a row. “He didn’t stomp on Barney Plotz either—he forged the letters and the phone call. He needed the time to conduct what he called his…investigations. I don’t know what they were, but he was at the public library a lot—and over at Gran’s.”
“Gran’s? Why Gran’s? He likes his food.”
“I don’t know,” said Tuesday, thinking long and hard about it. “He said it was something to do with Mycroft and a chronuption of staggering proportions.”
“That boy,” I muttered grimly, “has got some serious explaining to do.”
30.
Now Is the Winter
One