The Faithless - Martina Cole [29]
‘Oh, change the record, Cynth! Like you ever cared about me, or anyone come to that.’
Jimmy was fed up with her. He was already putting on his jacket, and she knew he would be out of the house having a good time while she sat here alone wishing she could be a part of it all once more. She was desperate to be a part of it, if she was really honest with herself. She needed some serious brownie points to get herself back in with the big boys.
‘I was frightened for you, James, whatever you might think . . .’
Jimmy rolled his eyes in annoyance. ‘You nearly fucked us all up. You know what you did and you also know if it wasn’t for your sister you would be dead.’
Cynthia had tried to get the sympathy vote from her husband, but it wasn’t working. In the last year she had been treated as a pariah – in fact she had hardly left the house. Watching her back had become part of her daily routine – even Celeste had given her the cold shoulder. The worst of it was she missed her sister. She actually physically missed her. Who’d have predicted that? When all was said and done, Celeste had always been there for her, and it had taken a year of being blacklisted to make Cynthia realise that.
In that year, her sister and her husband had become the local celebrities, always in the local papers, opening a new boxing gym, or attending a charity auction. They were like the poor man’s Burton and Taylor. Cynthia understood that if she had not been so vindictive, she would still have been a part of that. Would still have had some kind of a real life. She missed the social aspect of it all, missed the nights out, the reflected glory of being Celeste’s sister. If only she had understood then how lucky she had been.
To compound all that, James was doing really well. They were living better than ever before, and she knew that she was walking a thin line with him. She still didn’t understand why he had never left her – even she wouldn’t have blamed him if he had.
It never occurred to her that he might actually love her, care for her as the mother of his children and as his wife. All she saw was that James was loving his new role in the family set-up. He was the main breadwinner, but he was also finally the head of his own household, as hard as that was for her to admit. He came and went as he pleased now.
Cynthia couldn’t kick up too much fuss – she needed him these days, far more than she had ever thought possible. In fact, it was outrageous just how much she now needed him. She had played a hand that she had believed was a winner only to find out it was the opposite. The Old Bill had listened to her and then served her up without a second’s thought for her welfare. She should have guessed that Jonny would have them in his pocket; he was too shrewd not to.
If Cynthia had achieved her objective, her sister’s husband would be banged up now for the duration, and she would have felt a distinct satisfaction about that. She would have watched them fall, and from a fucking great height at that. Instead, she had inadvertently sabotaged any kind of life that could have come her way. She had, in effect, chewed her own foot off, because she was paying a terrible price for her treachery.
Celeste, in fairness, wanted her to have nice things, wanted her sister to have money in her bin and Celeste, most of all, wanted her to be content. As if she could have ever accepted that, especially coming from her of all people! But now, though, Cynthia knew she had to make some kind of amends, she had to prove herself worthy in some way. And she would do just that. She had to put herself on the line, make sure she was seen as a person of worth – not to the Filth, but