The Family - Mario Puzo [135]
Lucrezia thought of Alfonso and she understood. Then she thought of Cesare. How tormented he must be. Now she felt a great compassion for all those victimized by love, and in that moment love seemed far more treacherous than war.
Cesare could not continue his campaign for the Romagna without first visiting his sister. He must see her to explain, to ask for forgiveness, to regain her love.
When he arrived in Nepi, Sancia tried to keep him away, but he pushed past her to his sister’s chambers and forced himself inside.
There Lucrezia sat, playing a plaintive tune on her lute. When she saw Cesare her fingers froze on the strings, her song stopped in the air.
He ran to her and kneeled before her, placing his head on her knees. “I curse the day I was born to cause you such grief. I curse the day I found I loved you more than life itself, and I wished for just one moment to see you again, before I fought another battle, for without your love no battle is even worth the fight.”
Lucrezia placed her hand on her brother’s auburn hair, and smoothed it in comfort until he could lift his head to look at her. Yet she said nothing.
“Can you ever forgive me?” he asked.
“How can I not?” she answered.
His eyes filled, though hers did not. “Do you love me still, above all else on earth?” he asked.
She breathed deeply, and found herself hesitating for just a moment. “I love you, my brother. For you too are less a player in this game than a pawn, and for that I pity us both.”
Cesare stood before her puzzled, but still he thanked her. “It will be easier to fight to gain more territories for Rome now that I have seen you again.”
“Go with care,” Lucrezia said. “For in truth, I could not bear another great loss.”
Before he left she allowed him to embrace her, and in spite of all that had happened she found herself comforted by him. “I am off to unify the Papal States,” he told her. “And when we meet again, I hope to have accomplished all I’ve promised.”
Lucrezia smiled. “With grace, someday soon we will both be back in Rome to stay.”
During her last months in Nepi, Lucrezia began to read constantly. She read the lives of saints, explored the lives of heroes and heroines, and studied the great philosophers. She filled her mind with knowledge. And she finally understood that there was only one decision she must make.
Would she live her life or would she take her life?
If she lived, she wondered, how would she find peace? She had already determined that no matter how many times her father traded her in marriage, she would never again love as she had loved Alfonso.
Yet to find peace she knew she must be able to forgive those who had wronged her, for if she could not, the anger she held in her heart and her mind would tether her to hate and rob her of her freedom.
Three months after she had arrived, she began by opening the doors to her palace in Nepi, to see the people, to listen to their complaints, and to construct a system of government that would serve the poor as well as those who carried gold. She determined to devote herself, and her life, to those who were helpless, who had suffered as she had. Those whose fate rested in the hands of rulers more powerful than themselves.
If she took the power her father had allowed her, and used the Borgia name for good as Cesare used his for war, she might find a life worth living. Like the saints who devoted their lives to God, she would from that day forward devote hers to helping others, and do it with such generosity and grace that when she met her death the face of God would smile upon her.
It was then that her father insisted that Lucrezia return to Rome.
23
IN ROME AGAIN, Cesare readied his army, and this time most of his soldiers were Italian and Spanish. His Italian infantrymen were well disciplined, and wore metal helmets with scarlet and gold doublets on which Cesare’s coat of arms had been embroidered. His army was led by talented