The Fat Man_ A Tale of North Pole Noir - Ken Harmon [0]
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
CHAPTER 1 - Nutcracker
CHAPTER 2 - I’m Telling You Why
CHAPTER 3 - Yes, Virginia
CHAPTER 4 - The Jingle Bell Rock
CHAPTER 5 - A Couple of Misfits
CHAPTER 6 - Later On, We’ll Conspire
CHAPTER 7 - Deck the Halls
CHAPTER 8 - Arose Such a Clatter
CHAPTER 9 - Stink, Stank, Stunk
CHAPTER 10 - Decorations of Red
CHAPTER 11 - Over the River and Through the Woods
CHAPTER 12 - Seasick Crocodile
CHAPTER 13 - Somebody Waits for You
CHAPTER 14 - Vixen
CHAPTER 15 - Grown a Little Colder
CHAPTER 16 - Oh, Tannenbomb
CHAPTER 17 - A Long Winter’s Nap
CHAPTER 18 - Baby, It’s Cold Outside
CHAPTER 19 - A Warped, Frustrated Old Man
CHAPTER 20 - Haven’t Earned My Wings
CHAPTER 21 - Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies
CHAPTER 22 - I Really Can’t Stay
CHAPTER 23 - I Can’t Remember a Worse December
CHAPTER 24 - Shakin’ the Dust of This Crummy Little Town Off My Feet
CHAPTER 25 - But Santa, Dear, We’re in a Hurry
CHAPTER 26 - A-Wassailing
CHAPTER 27 - Hang Your Stockings and Say Your Prayers
CHAPTER 28 - The New Old-Fashioned Way
CHAPTER 29 - Gather Near to Us Once More
Acknowledgements
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
DUTTON
Published by Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
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Published by Dutton, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
First printing, November 2010
Copyright © 2010 by Ken Harmon
Illustrations copyright © Andrea Tsurumi
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eISBN : 978-1-101-47502-7
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For my family
CHAPTER 1
Nutcracker
The straight dope is that you don’t want to get on the Naughty List. It’s my job to make sure you don’t want your moniker anywhere near it. And brother, I like my job. I like it a lot. If you decide to pout, shout and cry, I’ll tattoo your mug with a rock that leaves a mark and stings all winter long. Lip off to parents and teachers, and I’m the one coming down the chimney, loaded for bear. Go ahead and roll the dice with lying, cheating and pitching hissy fits. I’ll be there Christmas Eve to make sure you take your lumps.
Of coal.
Don