The Fat Man_ A Tale of North Pole Noir - Ken Harmon [11]
“Don’t count on it.”
“That’s sweet, but I’m OK with the idea of it. It means I’m free to do what I want.” Rosebud said it, but the silence behind it lacked her usual spunk. I filled it.
“So why you still circling this story, Jubilee?” I asked. “There’s no more meat to it. I’m finished. End of story.”
“I think you were set up,” she said. “And I think you think it, too.”
“Candy Cane,” I said.
“Santa’s bright boy.”
“I don’t doubt he bent the old man’s ear,” I said. “But I think he’s just trying to make his mark. The Coal Patrol was the easiest target. Folks have been telling me I was too rough on kids for years. Santa still gets hate mail from the Raymond Halls of the world because of me. Maybe Santa thought it was time for a change.”
“You don’t think that,” she said, leaning in. “You just said you thought that naughty and nice kids both getting presents would kill Santa. Now suddenly change is good? Tie that bull up outside, cowboy.”
“Once Cane sees what spoiling all children will do to Santa, he’ll pull back,” I said. “I bet they’ll just give a few less presents to the naughty kids. The point is that they don’t want the kids to have their face rubbed in it, which is what a bag of coal does.” Rosebud looked at me like I was selling cheese. I smiled and gave her hand a little pat. “Boy, your ribbons are tied too tight, honey, if you think Cane’s out to get Santa. Without the big guy, we’d all be out of business. Why would he want Santa out?”
Rosebud moved her hand, but not right away, I noticed. “Maybe he thinks he could do the old man’s job better,” she said, spitballing. “He already thinks he can do your job better. Maybe Cane wants to run the show.”
“That’s a pipe dream,” I said. “It’ll never happen. The world would never stand for it.”
“They would if they didn’t have a choice.”
The idea that somebody was trying to hurt Santa burned me, even if it was just a bunch of cockamamie bunk from a two-bit reporter in a purple hat. I got up to leave. “I feel sorry for you, Jubilee. It must be awful to have to try and sleep with those kinds of ideas in your head. Farewell, my lovely.”
“You don’t think it’s possible?” she asked. “You’re not going to do anything about it?”
“I am going to support Santa and the new Candy Cane Coal Patrol any way I can!” But the words didn’t taste right in my mouth. Something in my gut told me that little Miss Know-It-All might be on to something, but I needed to go someplace where I could add things up.
“More bull,” Rosebud called out after me. “You’re a regular rodeo cowboy.”
“No,” I said, as I headed out the door. “I’m a regular misfit.”
As I said it, I knew what I was going to do next.
CHAPTER 5
A Couple of Misfits
To: Coal Patrol Officers;
Nice List Executive Committee
From: The Office of Charles Cane
Re: Toy Inspection
I first want to begin by saying that I am deeply humbled to be serving as your leader in our endeavor of providing children of the world holiday joy. We have quite a challenge before us, as Christmas will be here before you know it and, per my appointment, we will not be as strict in denying children toys from their wish list. That means more toys must be built, my wee ones, and I am confident that you are up to the challenge. With this increase in production, it is important that quality does not suffer. Not only will it hinder our ability to fulfill the wish lists of children all over the globe, but we also run the risk of overpopulating Misfit Isle by creating less than perfect playthings. To that end, Santa has asked that I personally inspect all toys before they are delegated to the appropriate child. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter and for your focus on this new holiday campaign. When we celebrate at the Loading of the Sleigh Parade Christmas Eve, you will have accomplished great things.
The only way to get to the Island of Misfit Toys was by boat, and the only boat