The Fat Man_ A Tale of North Pole Noir - Ken Harmon [68]
Gumdrop Coal Innocent!
Plot to Frame Outlaw Elf Kaput!
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Rosebud Jubilee
“Oh, did you want to see the paper, chum?” she asked me in a nonchalant sort of way. She was awfully cute when she was being annoying.
“I see the Nutcrackers are two games up,” I said. “They’re swinging the lumber pretty good right now, but their bullpen needs to be put out to pasture.”
Rosebud took the jab and jabbed right back. “Well, then they won’t be the only ones not getting to first base on a regular basis, I guess.”
“Uncle,” I said. “I can tell that you’re too full of yourself today, so I wouldn’t stand a chance. Elvis, put the lady’s girly drink on my tab.”
“Surrendering so soon, Coal?” Rosebud asked. “Not going soft on me, are you?”
“I was already soft,” I said. “You’re the one that made me such a hardened criminal in that little tale you wrote. I’ll be the first to admit that I am prickly and persnickety, but you made me sound like Herod.”
“But you come off a hero in the end,” she said. “That’s the stuff the readers want. So you did read the article!”
“Glanced at it.”
“Glanced?”
“Skimmed it.”
“Then you missed all the good parts,” Rosebud said. “Looking back at the whole story, it had more red herrings than a Norwegian glutton. How did you figure it all out? Really?”
“Something tells me I haven’t yet, and that’s the truth.” I turned to Rosebud to show her I wasn’t kidding now. “I’m all mixed up inside, so maybe that’s it, but something is bothering me that I can’t shake.”
“You take the cake, Coal,” Rosebud said. “This caper is easier to wrap than a square box with good tape. Zsa Zsa and the Misfits are miffed at Santa and Kringle Town for giving them the stink eye. They find a sympathetic ear in Potter, he recruits gimpy Tim and they all plot to make it a Misfit world. But Potter is slow freight, so they push him off the choo-choo and chug along with their grand plan. They used you, Raymond Hall, Cane and a few others to try and rid the world of the Fat Man and Christmas spirit. They just didn’t count on you having brains, brawn and—forgive me for sounding cornier than Kansas—a heart. That’s it. Put a ribbon on it, it’s done.”
“Then why give up when they were so close?” I asked. “They could have nabbed Santa before I got there. Zsa Zsa had a pretty good head start. Why vamoose?”
“They’re Misfits!” Rosebud said. “They can’t think past Plan A. They ran and hid when they heard you got away. They went back across the bridge where they think everything and everyone looks good in the dark. Maybe it’s where they belong. Let them picnic off each other, I say. We won’t have to worry about them anymore.”
“Maybe you’re right,” I said. “But I still don’t get it. I want to know why all this happened. Why?”
“Forget it, Coal,” Rosebud said. “It’s Kringle Town. Understanding is overrated. Chew on something too long and it loses its flavor, like cheap gum, and then it’s nothing but a sticky problem—and usually someone else’s. Quit trying to know everything, sweetie. It will make you crazy.”
“Er,” I said and Rosebud gave me a look. “Crazier is what you meant to say, but you were being nice.”
Rosebud clinked her glass to mine. “Well, it is the holidays.”
We sat there quiet for a while, watching the crowd at the Blue Christmas. Everyone was getting a little cheer before the Loading of the Sleigh Parade started and it was fun to watch the festive mood. Me and Rosebud would watch and then catch each other’s eye and smile. Then we’d both