The Fat Man_ A Tale of North Pole Noir - Ken Harmon [8]
“Boss, I think we can teach these bad nippers a lesson if all we give them is a lump of coal for Christmas,” I said. “Sort of fire a shot across the bow that they had better shape up.”
Santa studied his cup of cocoa for a moment. “That seems a little cruel, Gumdrop,” Santa said. “Some children simply don’t know any better. They live in a hard world; they don’t know another way to behave.”
“Yeah, that’s what Dingleberry says too,” I answered. “He calls it ‘context.’ I guess he reads more than comic books. Anyway, I call it ‘excuses.’”
“It may be an excuse, Gumdrop, to be sure. But do you really want to rob a child of a moment of joy? Do you want them to believe that there is nothing good? The Child we celebrate with our deeds grew up to hang out with some pretty despicable people just so He could show them how to believe in good,” Santa said.
“Yeah,” I replied. “And look what happened to Him.”
“I do look at what happened to Him,” Santa said seriously. “It caused something wonderful to happen to the world. What happened to Him resulted in hope for every one of us.”
“Sorry, I stepped over the line, Santa,” I said. “But even His book preached, ‘Spare the rod, spoil the child.’ I think my plan is kind of a gift too, Santa. It gives them the gift of knowing that they just can’t do what they want. They will discover that what they do touches other people. Then they will learn they can make a difference, a good one. Learning that changing your ways is a gift to yourself and others is really something special, don’t ya think?”
Santa nodded. “But why coal?” he asked with a smile.
“My name had nothing to do with it, I promise you. I just figured that coal is dirty and nasty, not a lot of fun, but the family could use it to keep warm.”
“And that the lump of coal represents the Child,” Santa said. “A beautiful diamond is hidden inside.”
That was the furthest thing from my mind, but I’d go with it to get my way. “Now you’re getting it,” I said.
It took months to talk Santa into it. He really didn’t think it was right. But after weeks of badgering, Santa said, “I will allow it. Since you seemed to have already discussed this with Dingleberry, I imagine that you two have figured out how to determine which children receive coal.”
“We’re adding a report to the Naughty List,” I said. “I’ll have my recommendations based on mine and Dingleberry’s research, but you’ll have the final say, sir.”
“Do you really think this will work, Gumdrop?”
“Yeah, Kris, I do. Someone is going to learn a lesson.”
Boy, would they.
Anyhow, that’s how the Coal Patrol got started. We were small at first; just me and a couple of other elves dropping a few rocks here and there. Most of the kids seemed to get the message, and Santa saw the value of that. He kept us on a short leash, but let us keep the shop open. It was good work, but not what I’d call pleasant. No matter how rotten the Raymond Halls of the world are, there’s nothing fun about watching a kid be disappointed on Christmas morning. Remorse is a tough knot for a kid, but when they get it, they get it, and you’ve done them and the world a favor. Over the years, some kids stayed rotten. Raymond Hall and Junior, for example. But we turned around some kids, got them to smell the coffee and really and truly reflect the Christmas spirit. Those successes made me proud. Well, you know what goes before the fall.
THE MARSHMALLOW WORLD GAZETTE
Gumdrop Coal Fired from Coal Patrol Santa’s Dark Elf Is Out on His Ear
By Rosebud Jubilee
Veteran disciplinarian elf and founder of the Coal Patrol, Gumdrop Coal, is out on his pointy ear, relieved of his duties yesterday. According to sources, Coal had become too zealous in his punishing of children. The list of tykes getting only a lump of coal on Christmas morning had grown to unacceptable levels, said some. “Gumdrop was shelling kids like peanuts,” said Zwarte Piet, the famous elf trainer. Piet was also a personal mentor to a young Coal. “It’s sad because the program