The Fifth Elephant - Terry Pratchett [144]
“Can we have that again with the gaps filled in?” said Carrot.
This took considerably longer. There were still gaps. Carrot forced them open.
“I see,” he said at last.
“Mister Vimes is going to go spare, isn’t he,” said Nobby miserably.
“I wouldn’t worry about Mister Vimes,” said Angua. “Not at the moment.”
Carrot was looking up at the front door. It was thick oak. There were bars at all the windows.
“Go and fetch Constable Dorfl, Nobby,” he said.
Ten minutes later the Watch House had a new doorway. Carrot stepped over the wreckage and led the way upstairs.
Fred Colon was hunched in the chair, staring fixedly at one solitary sugar lump.
“Be careful,” whispered Angua. “He might be in a rather fragile mental state.”
“That’s very likely,” said Carrot. He leaned down and whispered: “Fred?”
“Mm?” murmured Colon.
“On your feet, Sergeant! Am I ’urtin’ you? I ought to be, I’m standing’ on your beard! You’ve got five minutes to wash and shave and be back here with shinin’ mornin’ face! On your feet! To the washroom! Abou-ut turn! At the double! One-two-one-two!”
It seemed to Angua that no part of Fred Colon above the neck, except maybe for his ears, was involved in what happened next. Fred Colon rose at attention, executed a thudding about-turn and doubled out of the door.
Carrot spun around toward Nobby.
“You too, Corporal!”
Nobby, trembling with shock, saluted with both hands at once and ran after Colon.
Carrot went over to the fireplace and poked at the ashes.
“Oh dear,” he said.
“All burnt?” said Angua.
“I’m afraid so.”
“Some of those heaps were like old friends.”
“Well, we’ll find out if we’ve missed anything important when it starts to smell,” said Carrot.
Nobby and Colon appeared again, breathless and pink. There were a few bits of tissue stuck on Colon’s face where the shaving had been too enthusiastic, but he was nevertheless looking better. He was a sergeant again. Someone was giving him orders. His brain was moving. The world was the right side up once again.
“Fred?” said Carrot.
“Yessir?”
“You’ve got a bit of bird doings on your shoulder.”
“I’ll see to that right now, sir!” said Nobby, leaping sideways. He dragged a handkerchief from his pocket, spat on it, and rubbed hurriedly at Colon’s temporary pip. “All gone now, Fred!” he said.
“Well done,” said Carrot.
He got up and went over to the window. It did not, in fact, offer much in a way of a view. But he looked out of it as if he could see to the end of the world.
Colon and Nobby shifted uneasily. Right now, they did not like the sound of silence. When Carrot did speak, they blinked as if struck in the face by a cold flannel.
“What I believe there has been here,” he said, “is a confused situation.”
“That’s right, that’s right,” said Nobby quickly. “We was very confused. Fred?”
He jabbed Fred Colon with his elbow, waking him from a reverie of terror.
“Uh? Oh. Right. Oh yeah. Confusion,” he mumbled.
“And I’m afraid I know where the blame ultimately lies,” Carrot went on, still apparently engrossed in the spectacle of a man sweeping the Opera House steps.
In the silence, Nobby’s lips moved in prayer. Only the whites of Fred Colon’s eyes could be seen.
“It was my fault,” said Carrot. “I blame myself. Mister Vimes left me in charge, and I rushed off with no thought of my duty and put everyone in an impossible position.”
Fred and Nobby were both wearing the same expression. It was the face of a man who has seen the light at the end of the tunnel and it has turned out to be the twinkle of the Fairy of Hope.
“I feel almost embarrassed to ask you two to get me out of this pit I have dug for myself,” said Carrot. “I can’t imagine what Mister Vimes is going to say.”
The light at the end of the tunnel winked