The Fire in Ember - DiAnn Mills [96]
Riding closer to home, he asked God to forgive him for trying to solve his problems alone instead of asking for help. His unanswered questions had more to do with pride than anything else.
Back at the ranch, he unsaddled Racer and felt the ache of strained muscles. Tomorrow would come much too early for his liking. Once he started to the house and saw the lit lantern shining in the window, he thought about the risk Ember had taken to expose her brothers. Blinking, he saw the object of his musings sitting on the step.
“Can’t sleep, or did you wait up for me?”
“I wanted to see you before you went to bed, and I doubt if I could have slept.”
The sound of her sweet voice soothed his weary heart and mind. He sat beside her and took her hand. “What you did tonight took a lot of courage.”
“No, John. I’m a coward. I couldn’t tell you the truth until I simply had no choice. Simon approached me in Rocky Falls and once here at the ranch. He wanted me to help him or he’d kill all of you. I believed him instead of trusting God.”
“That’s easy considering he’d broken the law before. When you feel comfortable, I want to know all about home.”
“I’ll tell you. But I need to sort out bad memories.” She shrugged. “Leah always says the truth is what frees people, so I may need for someone to listen to my ramblings. Actually my past is vile.” She paused. “When I came here and Miss Leah discovered my poor reading, she began to teach me in the evenings. I’ve learned so many new words that express the thoughts in my head. I’m … I’m so grateful for all this family has done for me. I hope I can someday repay all of you.”
“None of us have done things for you in order to be repaid.”
She laughed, and he remembered her original debt to him. “All right, I’m the guilty one. Seriously, I’m wide awake if you want to talk.”
She leaned against him, her small body warm and frail. Although exhaustion invaded John, he was one content man.
“Are you sure?” she said.
He draped his arm around her. “We can talk ‘til daylight.” She sighed, and then trembled. Oh, for the day when fear vanished, and she could trust him. He longed to see her completely at peace. A side of her he’d never seen. A part of her she might not have experienced without embracing belief in God. “Start at the beginning. The best way for you to deal with the past is to talk about all those things that hurt you.”
A few moments passed, and he tucked her closer to him.
“I never lied to you,” she said. “But it was wrong not to tell you who I suspected was behind the cattle rustling and killings. Then when Simon approached me in Rocky Falls, I was so afraid for all of you. I should have trusted. For that I’m sorry.”
“I know you are. From what I can figure out, Simon used his fists to make sure you saw things his way.”
She stiffened and pulled away. “John, I know you care for me. And because of how good you are and what you deserve in a woman, I have to tell you something.”
“I’m listening.”
“Beating me isn’t all Simon did.”
John’s throat ached to release his tears. How could a man do such a thing to his sister — or any woman? While on the way back from town when he pondered the tragedies of Ember’s life, he’d considered Simon might have abused her. “I figured as such. I’m sorry.”
“So I understand I need to leave here and Rocky Falls.”
“Why? Because the man is an animal? What he did to you doesn’t change how I feel. We’ll work through this.”
Her sobs broke the silence around them. “You don’t know what you’re sayin'. A man like you deserves a woman who is … pure. I’ve been living a fairy tale by wanting to be a part of this family … wanting your love but not deserving it.”
“Purity is a state of the heart, Ember.”
“Not sure I can ever look at it that way. Guilt and shame settle on me when I least expect it.”
“You might want to consider telling Mama. She won’t judge you, and talking woman to woman would probably help.”
“I’m so ashamed.”
John had to ask what weighed heavily on his heart. A reality he might have to face and handle. “Are there any children?”
She stiffened again. “No.