The Foreigners - Maxine Swann [64]
I turned and looked at her. “I want you to come with me,” I said.
She fell silent, like a child, wanting to obey. “Okay,” she said.
She went back into the apartment and reappeared a few minutes later, a little backpack stuffed with her things, computer, notebooks, pink jersey dress.
She followed me out the front door of the building. I was standing on the street, hailing a cab.
“Hey,” she said.
I looked at her. “What?” I asked.
She squirmed, smiled. It was a sweet, wary smile. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m not very good in those adult situations,” and turned back and went inside.
Okay, that was that. I went back to my apartment. I stayed there for a few days, mostly lying in bed, blinds closed, defeat. Every once in a while, my cell phone rang. I didn’t answer it. Even when it was Leonarda. I had come that far.All I knew was that I was in a trap, from which I needed to extricate myself. I had no other clear thoughts but that one. I lay there in the trap. The pain was pretty much constant, no matter which way I turned. Sometimes when I twisted, provoked by a certain image or thought—the two of them waking up together, having breakfast; working together, she liked to sit in bed, knees up, with her computer, he’d be at his desk; then darkness outside the window, evening falling, sexy scenes, her playing her transformation games with him—the pain cut more sharply, yanking ligaments, tearing fur and skin. But there were ancillary thoughts too. What did I really want? For the darkness to have that same freshness, the air to shimmer, as it did when I was with her. There was also something I knew I didn’t want, for her to be with that guy. I shivered just thinking of him touching her skin. Then I’d shake myself and return to the point. How to get out of this? Go away again? Return home? What was there for me? I couldn’t picture anything. Except maybe the hospital. Illness awaited.
Days went by. I ate all the meager amount of food that was in the house, including cooking the rice and pasta that had been left by someone else. I looked in the mirror a lot. I looked like an undecided creature, definitely part animal. Oh, why couldn’t I let myself just be an animal? That was fine. It was the other part that was causing problems. I remembered what Gabriel had once said about desire, that horrible yearning.
One day, I heard her out in the hall. Then I remembered. She had keys. I’d once given her an extra set of keys. I heard her block heels, her harsh, hulking gait. I remembered what I’d once learned about espionage. You can change your face entirely, get plastic surgery. The one thing that’s almost impossible to change is the way you walk. In counterespionage, always look for the walk. I rushed to the door, put the safe-lock across it, then crept back down the tiled hall. Sitting on my bed again, I heard the key in the door. It opened and then the safe-lock jerked it back.
“I know you’re in there,” she said. “I hear you breathing.”
I stopped breathing. I didn’t move. For some reason, I felt wildly afraid.
“Come out, little reptile, that’s right, little snake.”
I still didn’t answer.
“Okay, whatever, open the door.” Now her voice was tired, bored. I was amazed at myself that I still wasn’t moving.
“I’m bored.”
Silence.
“You know, you’re really an idiot. You misunderstood everything. I can’t do this without you.”
Silence.
“Anyway, I’m back at my mother’s place.”
Here she knew she could get me. She almost did. I felt myself rise from the mattress, but no.
Next there was banging. She was banging the door against the safe-lock.
Silence again.
“Anyway, whatever. I really can’t waste my time with such stupid people.” I heard her heels again, this time receding.
I felt a little better. At least she’d come for me. But that didn’t change things in any essential way. I was still trapped and still needed to extricate myself and still didn’t know how.
I called Gabriel. He stopped by later that afternoon.
“Hey, what’s going on? What are you doing here?” He