The Freedom Writers Diary - Erin Gruwell [107]
Winning the Micah Award inspired me to make a drastic change in my life and not be silent anymore. After nine years of suffering, I finally decided to take the step I feared most—speaking out. With all the fear stored in my heart, I finally built up the courage to tell my mother that I had been raped. I was only nine years old when I was molested, but it took me another nine years to talk about it. The saddest part of it all is that a person my parents trusted—the baby-sitter—victimized me in my own home. After meeting many survivors of the Holocaust who felt ashamed of what had happened to them and even felt guilty, I can now relate to how painful it must have been to tell their stories. I always felt that what had happened to me was my fault, but I now know that I was just an innocent victim. I’m absolutely not the one who should feel guilty.
Recently, I was at a party with my cousin, when out of nowhere, I asked her if she had ever been sexually abused. I couldn’t believe I had asked her that, but the way she allowed her boyfriend to treat her reminded me of how I allowed my boyfriend to treat me. I was afraid of her answer because I didn’t want anyone else to go through what I had gone through. When she confessed that her uncle had molested her, I was shocked. That was the same person who had raped me!
Later that night, I couldn’t get that quote, “Whoever saves one life saves the world entire,” out of my mind. This was my chance to break the silence. If I could save at least one little girl from my ex-baby-sitter, I would be satisfied. I felt sad, but I also felt relieved because I knew that I wasn’t the only one. I guess that gave me more confidence to speak out. I decided that I was going to report him so that he would no longer be able to scar anyone else the way he scarred the lives of my cousin and me.
When I told my cousin that I had decided to report him she confided that a younger friend of ours had also been molested. Three young lives were affected forever. I know that there are probably more. I know that there will be more if I don’t do something.
So I have come to the conclusion that I will report him. I don’t want to report him just to get revenge. I just want to stop this injustice once and for all. Ms. G taught us that “Evil prevails when good people do nothing.” I am a good person. And I refuse to be a bystander any longer. So I’ll kill the problem at the root. I’ll save a life, and in the process, I’ll save the world entire.
Diary 130
Dear Diary,
We only have a few weeks before graduation. I sit here looking back at my four years of high school. I’ve been thinking about the quote “History repeats itself” that Ms. Gruwell talked about in class. Over the last four years, she’s shown us many situations of how the past is similar to the present. We’ve learned how the Germans tried to eliminate all of the Jews during World War II and how just recently the Serbians tried to eliminate all of the Croatians and Muslims in Bosnia during the 1990s. We also have seen how two diaries written during different time frames, one being Anne Frank’s and the other Zlata Filipovic’s, were both screaming out the hardships of a war. History seemed to repeat itself when Zlata became the modern Anne Frank.
Today, I carry the quote about history with me 24 hours a day. Nobody in my family has ever gone to college. I thought I was going to be the first to break this chain in my family. For a brief moment, this was a reality. I was accepted into a prestigious technical school. I had also received notification of my financial aid. I saw myself living the college life, all I needed was to graduate from high school.
Then, the unthinkable happened. My dad was diagnosed with a serious health problem and my life had to immediately change. Following this unpredicted situation, I had