The Freedom Writers Diary - Erin Gruwell [25]
7:10 A.M.—The bus stops in front of the school. My stomach feels like it’s tightening into a tiny little ball. I feel like throwing up. I keep thinking that I’ll get laughed at the minute I step off the bus. Instead, I’m greeted by a couple of my friends who were in my English class last year. At that point, it hits me. Ms. Gruwell, my crazy English teacher from last year, is really the only person that made me think of hope for my future. Talking with my friends about our English class and the adventures we had the year before, I began to feel better.
7:45 A.M.—I receive my class schedule and the first teacher on the list is Ms. Gruwell in Room 203. I walk in the room and I feel as though all the problems in my life are not important anymore. I am home.
Diary 25
Dear Diary,
Damn! School just started and I have to go to the hospital again. This time I have to have sinus surgery. The doctors say I will be out of school for a week or two. I hope they are right.
I am frequently hospitalized for a lung disease called cystic fibrosis. CF has been a constant part of my life. My breathing sucks! I have coughing attacks every five to fifteen minutes that last about five minutes each. I lose my concentration and I can’t even breathe. The lack of oxygen gives me a migraine. My weight is also a problem. Since I can’t digest what I eat, I can’t gain weight. I have to take pills to help digest my food and perform breathing treatments. If I don’t, I get severe stomachaches. Most of the time I end up losing weight.
I have been on a transplant list for over six months, and I probably only have a few years left to live unless I receive new lungs. It makes me wonder if I will survive this. I know I will, but it’s a tough, scary road ahead for me. Anything can happen to me, and hopefully I will be prepared.
I’m sure going to miss school and my friends. I’m really going to miss Ms. G and her class. Last year when I was in the hospital she bought like a two-foot card and everyone in her class signed it. She even came to the hospital to visit me.
I don’t know what kind of assignments I’ll miss, but I hope it isn’t much. I hope the surgery won’t keep me out for more than two weeks. I would hate to be out of school longer than that, because school is one of the only things that I love doing.
Diary 26
Dear Diary,
Today I walked into my fifth-period English class and all of the desks were lined up against the wall. On the chalkboard read Twelve Angry Men and under it listed the characters in the play. It looks like she wants us to role-play. With my luck I’m probably going to be the first person she picks. Why did I have to be transferred into this class?
Everyone in here seems to know everyone else; just like that TV show Cheers, where everybody knows your name. Well, I don’t really talk to people and I’m sure nobody knows my name. I would like to keep it that way.
“Oh my God…she’s going to pick me to be a character, I know she is…great, just great, she’s looking at me.” Now everybody will know my name. I immediately stick my head into my backpack to search for something, anything, to look like I’m distracted. I can’t take this; I don’t need this kind of stress. Phew, she passed me up, I guess I got lucky this time. I hate talking in front of people, and all this teacher does is talk. She calls on people to answer questions; like they could give a smart answer right off the top of their head. Why can’t she talk monotonously through the whole class period? Why couldn’t she just be boring like my other teachers?
Diary 27
Dear Diary,
Murder, taking a life, stealing a soul, the one thing you can never repay or apologize for. Lately the word murder has been a shadow hovering over my life. Everywhere I turn, I see the O. J. Simpson trial all over television. Ms. G is having our class