The Freedom Writers Diary - Erin Gruwell [29]
Everyone changes as they get older, no matter if it’s good or bad. So I guess I was offered an opportunity that not many people have. I got a second chance to change my life for the better. I thank God that he sent an angel to give me that chance to change.
I was always known as the person that was going to be a druggie, or get pregnant before I turned fourteen and drop out. Now I have the chance to prove them wrong.
Diary 32
Dear Diary,
A year has passed since two of my friends died. Man, everyone respected those two. Those guys were the most loved cholos of the barrio. That’s how I wanted to be when I grew up. All I wanted to do was impress them. While I was in school one day, they were killed while trying to commit a robbery. To think I could have been with them.
After this incident, I started to see life from a whole new perspective. I had been taking the wrong path all along. Now my best friend and I are the oldest cholos in the barrio. It was pitiful that all the older guys were either six feet under or living behind bars. As the weeks went by, I slowly changed my ways. I didn’t want the younger ones to look up to me when I was a loser. I had done so much to hurt my community and now it was time to do something to help it.
Now the young ones are looking up to me as a role model, so I try my hardest to give a straight image on how things should be, and make them see right from wrong. My neighbors adore me. I have a warm feeling deep down inside, as if I am the “chosen one” in the barrio. But it hurts me to know that it took the lives of two dear friends for me to turn my life around.
I guess it’s never too late to change in life. If I did it, others should be able to as well. It really all depends on how badly one wants to change. I’m lucky to have another opportunity at a clean start.
It’s just too bad the two cholos were never given the same opportunity.
Diary 33
Dear Diary,
“You can’t go against your own people, your own blood!”
Those words kept ringing in my mind as I walked down the courtroom aisle to sit in a cold, empty chair next to the judge. I kept telling myself, “Get your shit together, you don’t want to contradict yourself on the witness stand, your homie’s future lies in your hands.” I was convinced that I had to lie to protect my own, the way I was always taught to do. As I walked through the courtroom, I kept my eyes focused straight ahead, afraid to make eye contact with anyone. It was so quiet that the only things I could hear were the steps I took walking across the marble floor and my heart.
As I sat in the chair, I felt as if I was exposed to different eyes. Those eyes, in some strange way, were touching a part of me that was deep inside, everyone was waiting for my reaction.
When I sat down, I noticed that the courtroom was divided. On one side, there was my family and my friends. Most of them are from one of the most notorious gangs in California. They had all come because they were worried about what the other side might do to me after the verdict. Even though they were there to protect me, I didn’t feel safe. I guess it was because they couldn’t protect me from the one thing I was actually afraid of, the guilt I had inside. But all I had to do was look in the eyes of my people for them to reassure me that I had no choice but to take care of my own. I had to protect Paco no matter what went down. We all knew, that no matter what, I wasn’t going to rat on my homeboy. He would give his life for me, without hesitation, the same way I would give mine for his. All I had to do was sit there and lie about what had happened that night. The night when Paco was only proving, once again, that he would do anything for his main girl. He was only protecting me, and sending out a warning not to mess with me again.
On the other side of the courtroom were the family members of the guy who was being falsely accused of murder. Those people, his family and his friends, of course, were looking at me with rage. I knew why, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t afraid