The Freedom Writers Diary - Erin Gruwell [43]
Once we were as stuffed as pigs, we went back to the museum to watch a private screening of Schindler’s List. Oskar Schindler started out as a man who wore his gold Nazi pin with pride. He couldn’t care less about the Jews and others being rounded up and taken away in crowded cattle cars. During one of the Jewish round-ups, he saw a little girl in a red petticoat. She stood out from everyone because the movie is in black and white. She was running away from the chaos and hiding. A few days later he found her dead with a pile of other bodies ready to be thrown into the fire. That’s when he started to try to save every Jew he could with the money he had. By the end, he had saved over a thousand Jews.
The movie made Night, The Wave, and The Diary of a Young Girl come alive. One of my friends actually said he had a flashback about the death of one of his friends. He said that the little girl’s red coat reminded him of his friend’s blood. It made me realize that senseless violence doesn’t only happen in history books or movies.
After the movie, we headed to the Century City Marriott Hotel to have a reception for Holocaust survivors and ourselves. The Holocaust survivor at our table showed us his tattoo and it made me wonder if he ever tried to hide it from others. I wanted to know: What he was thinking everyday in the camp? What was his greatest fears? Did he ever think of suicide? I wanted to ask, but I was too nervous and I thought my questions were stupid.
Near the end of dinner, students introduced the Holocaust survivors sitting with them and told us the most interesting information about their experiences. Some of my questions were actually answered, but there will always be more.
I feel that reading the books gave me a foundation for this piece of history, but today’s marathon with the museum, the movie, and especially meeting all the survivors gave me a better understanding of the Holocaust. I’m glad they survived to tell us their stories and pass the baton. My fingertips are still tingling!
Diary 50
Dear Diary,
Sorry, diary, I was going to try not to do it tonight, but the little baggy of white powder is calling my name. As I chop up the white rock on my special makeup mirror into very fine powder I start thinking about the past week with Zlata and our infamous toast for change.
Zlata left today and I can’t help but feel guilty for what I have been doing lately. We’re all about changing for the better and I am changing for the worse. This whole week, people have been looking at us as model teenagers who have changed their lives. The local newspapers have actually done stories about us bringing Zlata here and how we’ve made monumental changes in our lives. That part is true, but then there’s me. It does bother me that I am being dishonest, especially to Zlata, but is it lying when I don’t say anything?
Ms. Gruwell would be so disappointed if she found out. I definitely can’t say anything now because it would really make things worse. I don’t know what she would do, especially since Zlata was here. I might as well keep it a secret at this point. I wish she wouldn’t trust me so much. I mean how can she trust me if I can’t even trust myself? She shouldn’t trust anyone who steals money from their family, begs friends for change, and digs through her couch just to support her drug habit. In some sick way I wish I could get caught so all this lying could be behind me. But then reality kicks in when I see that line in front of me. When it comes down to it I’m not ready to change. I know I should stop, but it would be wrong to stop for someone else. When I hear cheesy clich