The Freedom Writers Diary - Erin Gruwell [92]
I think I am Latino, so I interacted with friends and other classmates who are Latino, so I could learn about some of my past. When I met my friends’ fathers I began to wonder about my dad. Do I look like him? Is he tall like me? Do we have similar interests? So I thought about trying to meet my father.
After I learned about my culture, I asked my mom if we could go meet him. For days and days I kept asking her, but she kept saying “No!” Then one day when there was no school, my mom surprised me and asked, “Do you want to go meet your father?” I was shocked! My mom felt it was time that I knew who my father was, since I am getting older. I never thought she would take me to meet him after saying no so many times. I was so happy! I started jumping up and down as if I was a little kid.
On the day that we went to meet him, I was nervous but happy. After all the years of not knowing anything about him, this would be the day I would find out why he left my mom. It took us a while to find where he lives. When we finally found him, my mom approached the door and asked if my dad lived there. The owner of the house, who was my grandmother, told my mom that my dad lived here. I had a big smile on my face because now I knew where my dad lived. My mom and my grandmother started talking and my mom told her why we were there. My grandmother told my mom that my father was very sick and that he did not want to see anyone. I asked her if I could just say “Hi” and then we would leave. She said no. I ran to my mom’s car and I cried.
This was supposed to be the time when I finally got to meet him after all these years, and I was hoping we could spend the day together. I got out of the car and went up to her one more time and asked her “Please, I would like to meet my father, I do have the right, you know!” My grandmother still kept saying no. I told my mom I wanted to leave and I went to the car and waited. I was so disappointed that my mom and I drove all the way to his house to see him, but ended up going away not knowing the truth about why he didn’t want to see me.
Now I know my father is a coward. A coward because he had someone cover for him. He could not face his own son like a real man. From this experience, I don’t want to try to meet him again. Learning from my father’s mistakes, I know I am not going to be a coward like him.
Diary 111
Dear Diary,
“Jingle balls, jingle balls, Jingle all the way…” That’s right! Balls, not bells! Literally speaking. I watched the most popular guys at my school that I once thought were gentlemen, standing in front of these freshmen girls yelling obscenities at them. The random chanting of “Touch my balls, you slut,” or “Look at my fucking balls, you stupid bitch!” sprayed the air with the sour stench of beer. After being hazed into the most popular sorority at our school, these innocent girls didn’t stay innocent for long.
All of the older girls that are a part of this sorority, including myself, watched the guys as they laughed and yelled at the pledges. I was there watching and wondering how this ritual went and I reminisced back to when I was a freshman pledging for this sorority.
A couple of my senior friends invited me to join this sorority in the fall of my freshman year. I didn’t think much of it, so I thought, “Hey, why not?” It would be a good way to meet people and make new friends. My best friend and I happened to be the lucky ones. We got the presidents of the sorority as our “big sisters,” which meant that throughout pledging, we escaped a lot of the hazing. Luckily, I never had to do what my fellow pledges did. I didn’t even know about some of the pledge nights, and I didn’t care.
After every pledge night that I missed, I would hear all the horror stories from the pledges. The pledges,