The Freedom Writers Diary - Erin Gruwell [96]
I’ve got less than ten days to figure out how to get my students to Manhattan, meet Connie Chung, and maintain a sense of normalcy. The more attention we’re getting, the more protective I’ve become. I feel like a mockingbird, dive-bombing anyone who wants to disrupt the dynamics of Room 203. If I feel they have ulterior motives or are the slightest bit disingenuous, I try to shelter the kids from them.
Even though we don’t have hotel or plane reservations yet, something tells me that we’ll find a way to be on a plane next week. The clothing company GUESS? actually called me after the article ran in the L.A. Times, offering to help our cause. Maybe I’ll start with them to see if they can help me get some students to New York to accept this prestigious award in person.
Diary 114
Dear Diary,
I just got home from the GUESS? headquarters in L.A. Earlier in the week Ms. G told us that they had decided to sponsor the Freedom Writers and fly forty-five of us to New York City to accept the Spirit of Anne Frank Award in person. I was fortunate enough to be one of the students picked to go.
As soon as I got home, I was so excited. I told my mother that we met the GUESS? staff, and how they surprised us with gifts and gave us a brief history of the company. We also found out why they wanted to sponsor our trip to New York. I learned that the Marciano brothers (who are the founders) are Jewish and their father was a rabbi. During the Holocaust their family had to flee Europe.
I was very enthused and ready for the trip, so I decided to call my father and explain that I was leaving tomorrow. He didn’t ask me if I was prepared for New York. He didn’t offer to take me shopping or even to give me any money for the trip. Nothing!
After a disappointing conversation with him, I started to think. It’s a shame how a company that does not even know me personally is willing to help me me so much. Yet I have a father who knows who I am, where I live, my telephone number, and he acts like I don’t exist.
For eighteen years, his off-and-on actions have made an impact in my life. My father always promises me things and never comes through, which has made it hard for Mom at times since she’s a single mother. During the holidays, he does bring me gifts, but when I really needed him to provide for me, he would act like he couldn’t help me. I only ask him to help me when I have no other choice.
When I do, he procrastinates or tells me to ask my grandmother. It’s not that I always want money from him. I want a supportive father figure in my life. Someone to be there in my corner. I always wondered why he never took time out to spend with me.
Receiving GUESS? clothes for our trip reminded me of my childhood and how I needed designer clothes to make me feel accepted by others in school. While everyone was wearing Nike and Cross Colors, I was wearing Pro Wings and swap-meet specials. Wearing them made me feel that I wasn’t accepted by anyone. Not even myself! I didn’t accept myself because I didn’t have the right clothes. Sad, isn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful for the clothes that I had on my back, but I just wanted to have designer clothes as well. Since my father wasn’t making me feel wanted at home, I really needed to feel accepted by my peers at school. But in order for me to feel accepted by them I felt like I had to have the same things they did.
Now that I am a part of something like the Freedom Writers, I don’t have to try to fit in or to buy my way into acceptance. Material things are no longer a top priority in my life. Of course I want nice things, but I don’t feel as if I have to have them to feel complete. It’s funny how material things mean so much to adoloescents. The problem is people grow up thinking that material things are what makes them worthwhile. Which is very untrue and causes them to be very shallow. Now as a young adult I’ve realized that love is more important than