The Gilded Age - Mark Twain [199]
“Everything is going right, everything’s going perfectly right. Pretty soon the telegrams will begin to rattle in, and then you’ll see, my boy. Let the jury do what they please; what difference is it going to make? To-morrow we can send a million to New York and set the lawyers at work on the judges; bless your heart they will go before judge after judge and exhort and beseech and pray and shed tears. They always do; and they always win, too. And they will win this time. They will get a writ of habeas corpus, and a stay of proceedings, and a supersedeas, and a new trial and a nolle prosequi, and there you are! That’s the routine, and it’s no trick at all to a New York lawyer. That’s the regular routine—everything’s red tape and routine in the law, you see; it’s all Greek to you, of course, but to a man who is acquainted with those things it’s mere—I’ll explain it to you sometime. Everything’s going to glide right along easy and comfortable now. You’ll see, Washington, you’ll see how it will be. And then, let me think . . . . . Dilworthy will be elected to-day, and by day after to-morrow night he will be in New York ready to put in his shovel—and you haven’t lived in Washington all this time not to know that the people who walk right by a Senator whose term is up without hardly seeing him will be down at the deepo to say ‘Welcome back and God bless you, Senator, I’m glad to see you, sir!’ when he comes along back re-elected, you know. Well, you see, his influence was naturally running low when he left here, but now he has got a new six-years’ start, and his suggestions will simply just weigh a couple of tons a-piece day after to-morrow. Lord bless you he could rattle through that habeas corpus and supersedeas and all those things for Laura all by himself if he wanted to, when he gets back.”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” said Washington, brightening, “but it is so. A newly-elected Senator is a power, I know that.”
“Yes indeed he is.—Why it is just human nature. Look at me. When we first came here, I was Mr. Sellers, and Major Sellers, and Captain Sellers, but nobody could ever get it right, somehow; but the minute our bill went through the House, I was Colonel Sellers every time. And nobody could do enough for me; and whatever I said was wonderful, Sir, it was always wonderful; I never seemed to say any flat things at all. It was Colonel won’t you come and dine with us; and Colonel why don’t we ever see you at our house; and the Colonel says this; and the Colonel says that; and we know such-and-such is so-and-so, because husband heard Col. Sellers say so. Don’t you see? Well, the Senate adjourned and left our bill high and dry, and I’ll be hanged if I warn’t Old Sellers from that day till our bill passed the House again last week. Now I’m the Colonel again; and if I were to eat all the dinners I am invited to, I reckon I’d wear my teeth down level with my gums in a couple of weeks.”
“Well I do wonder what you will be to-morrow, Colonel, after the President signs the bill?”
“General, sir!—General, without a doubt. Yes, sir, to-morrow it will be General, let me congratulate you, sir; General, you’ve done a great work, sir;—you’ve done a great work for the niggro; Gentlemen, allow me the honor to introduce my friend General Sellers, the humane friend of the niggro. Lord bless me, you’ll see the newspapers say, General Sellers and servants arrived in the city last night and is stopping at the Fifth Avenue; and General Sellers has accepted a reception and banquet by the Cosmopolitan Club; you’ll see the General’s opinions quoted, too—and what the General has to say about