The Ginger Man - J. P. Donleavy [48]
"Half my whiskey is on the bar."
"No trouble now."
"Would you mind bringing me the bottle to replace the amount splashed in my face."
Bartender in his white shirt and sleeves rolled up brings back the bottle. Sebastian taking out the cork and filling his glass to the brim.
"You can't do that. We don't have much of that"
"I repeat. Do you think I'm drunk now."
"Now peacefully, no trouble, no trouble, we don't want any trouble here. No, I don't think you're drunk. Not drunk. Little excited. No."
"I'm a sensitive person. I hate abuse. Let them all hear."
"Quietly now, peace."
"Shut up while I'm talking."
All the figures spinning about on their stools and flat feet
"No trouble now, no trouble."
"Shut up. Am I drunk? Am I drunk?"
"No."
"Why you Celtic lout I am. I'm drunk. Hear me, I'm drunk and I'm going to level this kip, level it to the ground, and anyone who doesn't want his neck broken get out"
The whiskey bottle whistled past the bartender's head, splattering in a mass of glass and gin. Dangerfield drank off the whiskey in a gulp and a man up behind him with a stout bottle which he broke on Dangerfield's head, stout dripping over his ears and down his face, reflectively licking it from around his mouth. The man in horror ran from the building. The bartender went down the trap door in the floor. Sebastian over the bar standing on it Selecting a bottle of brandy for further reference. Three brave figures at the door peering in upon the chaos and saying stop him, as this Danger made for the door and one man's hand reached out to grab him and it was quickly twisted till the fingers broke with his squeal of agony and the other two lay back to attack from behind and he jumped phoof on Dangerfield's shoulders and was flipped neatly on his arse five paces down the street The rest had gone to doorways or posing that they were just out walking their dogs.
Dangerfield was running like a madman down the middle of the road with the cry get the guards pushing him fasten Into a laneway, bottle stuffed under his arm. More yells as they caught sight as he went round and down another street Must for the love of God get hidden. Up these steps and got to get through this door somehow and out of sight quick.
Heart pounding, leaning on the wall for breath. A bicycle against the wall. Dark and racy for sure. Hope. Wait till they are by the house. Feet. I hear the heavy heels of a peeler. Pray for me. If they get me I'll be disgraced. Must avoid capture for the sake of the undesirable publicity it will produce. Or they may take clubs to me. Suffering shit
The door opens slowly. Light shining in through the dark. Dangerfield moves cautiously behind the door as it widens against him. A small head peers in, hesitates. I must be upon him for the sake of safety. Sebastian drove his shoulder against the door pulling the figure in by the neck.
"If you so much as breathe I'll belt you to death."
"No. Jesus, Mary and Joseph I won't make a peep"
"Shut up. Give me that hat. And the coat"
"O none of that, I'm a man of God. You don't know where to stop"
"I'll stop you living if you don't shut up and give me that coat"
"Yes sir. Anything you want sir, anything, but don't harm an old man, sir. I'm a cripple from birth, sir and I'll help ye get away. All I can."
"Get up the stairs."
"What are ye going to do with me at all. I've got a Friday to go out of the nine first Fridays."
"You won't have a minute to go if you don't get up the stairs. Up to the top and stay there. If you utter a sound I'll come back and disembowel you."
The little blue-eyed man stepped backwards up the stairs, stopping at the first landing and ran tripping up the rest. Sebastian getting into the coat. Shoulders get in, sleeves at the elbows. He bends over to pick up the brandy. The coat parts down the back. Peers out the door. No one in sight. Take all care, proceed with caution. How did I ever get into this frightful mess. How fantastically undesirable.
Down the three granite steps. Which way? From around the corner, a blue uniform and helmet God's unmerciful