The Ginger Man - J. P. Donleavy [92]
Dangerfield with a twitch,
"Ah."
O'Keefe with a sigh.
"How much, how much ? "
Waitress bowing concernedly.
"That's seven shillings please, sir."
O'Keefe with sadness.
"And here's a shilling from a poor man because I'm leaving Ireland and won't need it anymore."
Smiling a blossom of blush.
"Thank you, sir, very much. I'm sorry you're leaving Ireland."
O'Keefe looking at her.
"What do you mean sorry? You don't even know me."
Waitress intently.
"O yes I do. You used to be in here a lot last year. We all remember you. You didn't have a beard then. I think it suits you"
O'Keefe astonished, leaned back in the creaking wicker chair. He smiled.
"Do you know I really appreciate that Thanks"
The waitress reddening, walking away.
"God damn it, Dangerfield. I'm a hard son of a bitch but do you know I think I'd get down on my hands and knees and kiss a Jesuit's arse if it meant I could stay"
"I'll take up the collection if you do"
"Jesus, people are interested in you here"
"Foreigners"
"Even so, they shit on them in U.S. This morning I got up early and walked down Fitzwilliam Street. It was still dark. I heard a clip clop coming along and the milkman singing. It was lovely. Jesus, I don't want to go back."
"In the land of the big rich. The monstrous rich. Over there the quids."
"I feel every minute spent in U.S. is wasted."
"Now, now, a fine great place of opportunity for the young spirit such as yours, Kenneth. Maybe a bit of that unhappiness and people whoops out of the windows. But there are the odd moments of joy. May even solve your problem."
"If I can't solve it here I'll never do it there."
"How will you bear it being waved in your face. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say bodies over there are beautiful"
"I can wait."
"And how's Tony?"
"Makes his kids toys all day. Gets up in the morning and yells for his tea. Then he goes out and sees his accountant and places a shilling bet. Then he gets keyed up till the horse loses. And then, as he says himself, when the horse loses I go home and pick an argument with Clocklan. When I was there I tried to get Tony interested in taking the North by force. And Tony was telling me about a time when they went over the border. Everyone going to shoot a policeman, couldn't hold them back, going to declare the North under the tricolor. They get over the border, pockets filled with homemade bombs, hand grenades and gelignite. Then they meet a policeman. There are forty of them and one policeman and he comes over and says, 'ere, 'ere, this 'ere is King's land, now behave yourselves or I'll have to lock the whole lot of ye up. They all get long faces, roll up the tricolor, put away the bombs and go into the first pub and get drunk, with the policeman with them as well. It was good. Do you know I don't think they ever want to take the North. Barney says they're the finest people on the earth. Do you know perhaps the North ought to take over the South."
"At least we'd have contraceptives then, Kenneth"
"What about these women of yours when you go to London?"
"Do you think I keep a harem, Kenneth? I lead a life of spartan self-denial. Miss Frost is one of the finest people I know, good Catholic and in every way leads a gainful respectable life."
"Malarkey says the neighbourhood is in disgrace over this affair."
"Miss Frost and I would never stoop. Or set upon one another lasciviously. Within the bounds of good taste and dignity. Furthermore I'd like to point out that Miss Frost is joining the nuns."
"You awful bastard."
"Have you ever known me to involve myself in anything not above board or on boards or anything? I say, out with it, O'Keefe. Geek. You're so starved for it, Kenneth, that you're imagining things. You think I sin. Not me."
"You're socked in there like a banana in the peel. Tony says that you give her so much that she can barely crawl to work in the mornings."
"Absolutely outrageous. Miss Frost tiptoes through the tulips."
"You think you're getting away with a lot It's drink"
"And sure it's only the sociability that makes me drink."