The Girl in the Blue Beret - Bobbie Ann Mason [124]
“For the Nazis, it might have been random,” Marshall said. “Or something to do that evening.”
“Bien sûr. And I ask you, what kind of neighbor would willingly see his neighbors killed? How could such a person live with himself? Did he even think of the children? For Robert, the torment was all-consuming. He had been with that family only five minutes before.”
“If I thought a massacre like that was my fault … I’d never get over it,” Marshall said. “Imagine—an entire family.”
“It was not Robert’s fault. He learned later that the man had been involved with some other project of the Résistance.”
“But wasn’t the Bourgogne exposed then?” Marshall asked.
“No. Robert was confident that he had covered his own tracks because he had given no names. Oh, I don’t know.” She passed her hand over her head. “But he was ravaged by the memory of that family in that village! And he did not even see the reality. It was in his imagination. I remember how he prayed and prayed over that. ‘Why?’ he kept asking. There was a certain fragility in Robert, although he took chances. As long as he was successful in his projects, he had confidence, but when something bad happened, I think he crumpled in his emotions.”
Annette paused, and Marshall reached for her hands, but she moved them away.
“What was it about Robert?” he asked. “What drove him?”
“His religion. Both good and bad, it was his religion.” Her sigh seemed to take an enormous space on the terrace.
“His parents wanted him to be a priest, but he had self-doubts. I think he looked up to our priest, the abbé at l’église de Saint-Roch, Father Jean, so much that he could not imagine himself in so lofty a spiritual position. Father Jean was very gentle with Robert. He desired to see him become a priest, but Robert feared a hollowness. He felt unworthy.
“Robert’s parents had said, ‘Go to the seminary! You’ll make a priest!’ ”
Annette laughed. “I cannot imagine Robert as a priest. He was devout, yet he was so worldly! He liked to draw and go to the cinema. He liked to draw pictures of women. He showed me pictures of nude women he drew in art class! Should I have gotten mixed up with him? I ask myself. Maybe he wasn’t so good for me.
“He confessed to Father Jean his doubts about the vow of celibacy. He said, ‘When I desire something, my reason is attacked!’ He emphasized his fantasies of women! But Father Jean had a solution for him, something for Robert to do so that he could serve usefully.
“Father Jean had recruited a group of students from the Lycée Henri-IV, near the Sorbonne, some khâgneux—students who were preparing for higher learning. They were desperate to avoid the work-service in Germany and they were filled with anger. That was such a difficult situation for many young men. Robert’s father wanted to send him to hide with an uncle in Lyon, but Robert did not want to hide. He wanted to be active.
“The abbé sent him with those students to the Bourgogne network, so that’s how Robert began to escort aviateurs.
“When he first joined the Bourgogne, his parents did not ask questions, but they allowed him to have supplies from their épicerie to help people like my family who were trying to feed a great many very large Americans!”
She paused and smiled at Marshall as the waiter poured the wine.
She went on. “Father Jean was an extraordinary man. Not many priests would take such risks. Priests were such likely suspects. They knew the secrets of the confessional! But even though the Germans were watching them, there were a few courageous priests.”
“Was it because the Germans had their eye on your priest that you were arrested?” Marshall asked.
“Oh, no, Father Jean came to warn us. He had already warned my father at his office. Papa rushed home because he could not bear to stay away while we were in danger. Robert was there too. Our fear caused us to cluster instead of scatter. Of course that was a great mistake, but to the last moment we could not truly conceive the danger that was befalling us. How could