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—•—

Each time, Archie was mystified. Each time, he told me it had only happened to him once, years ago, when he was blind drunk. He'd light our cigarettes and lie there, staring straight ahead.

"It's not you, babe," he said one night.

I nodded, as though consoled. The thought had never occurred to me.

—•—

He took me to a literati dinner party and introduced me as "The Rising Star of H——."

I was shy, so I talked too much.

The men smiled indulgently.

The women were unfailingly gracious.

When we were undressing for bed, I said, "They think I'm a bimbo."

"Bimbo sounds masculine," he said. "Bimba."

"This bothers me," I said.

"Honey," he said, "they're just jealous."

"Just jealous."

"Right," he said. "We're the only happy couple I know."

—•—

He couldn't believe all the great old movies I'd missed. "Your whole generation is culturally bankrupt," he said. He set about trying to educate me.

After watching the original Thin Man, he said, "You're like Nora, and I'm like Nick. We're like Bogart and Ba-call. Like Hepburn and Tracy."

I said, "More like Mr. Wilson and Dennis the Menace."

—•—

We had Sophie over for dinner.

Archie told her about pursuing me, the party on Central Park West, the publicist, and the Sunday I knocked on his door. "Finally," he said, "Jane gives in. We go upstairs. I take off my clothes. I take off hers—"

"You want coffee?" I asked.

"No, thanks," Sophie said.

Archie glared at me. "She's a little nervous, she says, 'Can we talk?' 'Sure,' I say. 'No prob.' I get cigarettes. We lie there, smoking and talking. Of course, I can't concentrate—"

"Dessert?"

Sophie said, "Not for me."

"So," Archie went on, "I'm waiting for her to finish her cigarette." He made his voice low. "I'm about to give up when she gives me this little nod, and she sits up to put out her cigarette." He paused. "And she drops a live ash on my chest!"

I stared at him: What are you talking about? That was a whole other night.

He was watching Sophie laugh.

He said, "She starts a brushfire in my chest hair! The gazelles leap out and then the elephants stampede ..."

Sophie was still laughing when she looked over at me, and her expression said, Okay, now I get it.

—•—

I stored up jokes and anecdotes to tell him. I practiced them in my head.

"How was the dentist?" he asked.

"You know what he told me?" I said. "I should be brushing my gums! Did you ever hear of that?" I paused. "My hairdresser will probably tell me I should be brushing my neck!"

He laughed, almost against his will. "You're so weird," he said.

—•—

At a publication party, I overheard him say, "... so Jane accuses me of being an anti-Semite."

I was behind him, at the bar, and I took my wine from the bartender and stayed where I was.

Archie said, "I remind her that my ex-wife is Jewish, and Jane says, 'What does that prove? Every misogynist I know is married.' "

The man he was talking to said, "Very clever."

In the cab, I said, "What was that anti-Semite thing about? And the other night with Sophie. You know, I don't want to just be some made-up character in your anecdotes."

"To be just, "he said.

"What does justice have to do with anything?" I said.

He said, "Good editors don't split infinitives."

"You're correcting my grammar now?"

"Yes," he said. "I'm helping you to be better. And I expect the same from you."

I said, "What if I don't want to be better?"

He said, "Then you'll be just a petulant, infinitive-splitting eavesdropper."

—•—

I gave up my apartment and moved in.

—•—

I had to tell my family then.

My parents were very quiet.

My brother said, "Can't you find kids your own age to play with?"

My aunt was very old by then, and I hadn't seen her for a long time. After I told her about Archie, she closed her eyes, and I thought maybe she'd fallen asleep. Finally, she said, "A young woman does a lot for an older man."

I said, "It's not like that." I wanted to convince her. I said, "We think alike."

"Oh, my dear," she said. "A man thinks with his dick."