The Giver - Lois Lowry [51]
"You suggested, Jonas, that perhaps she wasn't brave enough? I don't know about bravery: what it is, what it means. I do know that I sat here numb with horror. Wretched with helplessness. And I listened as Rosemary told them that she would prefer to inject herself.
"Then she did so. I didn't watch. I looked away."
The Giver turned to him. "Well, there you are, Jonas. You were wondering about release," he said in a bitter voice.
Jonas felt a ripping sensation inside himself, the feeling of terrible pain clawing its way forward to emerge in a cry.
20
"I won't! I won't go home! You can't make me!" Jonas sobbed and shouted and pounded the bed with his fists.
"Sit up, Jonas," The Giver told him firmly.
Jonas obeyed him. Weeping, shuddering, he sat on the edge of the bed. He would not look at The Giver.
"You may stay here tonight. I want to talk to you. But you must be quiet now, while I notify your family unit. No one must hear you cry."
Jonas looked up wildly. "No one heard that little twin cry, either! No one but my father!" He collapsed in sobs again.
The Giver waited silently. Finally Jonas was able to quiet himself and he sat huddled, his shoulders shaking.
The Giver went to the wall speaker and clicked the switch to ON.
"Yes, Receiver. How may I help you?"
"Notify the new Receiver's family unit that he will be staying with me tonight, for additional training."
"I will take care of that, sir. Thank you for your instructions," the voice said.
"I will take care of that, sir. I will take care of that, sir," Jonas mimicked in a cruel, sarcastic voice. "I will do whatever you like, sir. I will kill people, sir. Old people? Small newborn people? I'd be happy to kill them, sir. Thank you for your instructions, sir. How may I help y—" He couldn't seem to stop.
The Giver grasped his shoulders firmly. Jonas fell silent and stared at him.
"Listen to me, Jonas. They can't help it. They know nothing."
"You said that to me once before."
"I said it because it's true. It's the way they live. It's the life that was created for them. It's the same life that you would have, if you had not been chosen as my successor."
"But he lied to me!" Jonas wept.
"It's what he was told to do, and he knows nothing else."
"What about you? Do you lie to me, too?" Jonas almost spat the question at The Giver.
"I am empowered to lie. But I have never lied to you."
Jonas stared at him. "Release is always like that? For people who break the rules three times? For the Old? Do they kill the Old, too?"
"Yes, it's true."
"And what about Fiona? She loves the Old! She's in training to care for them. Does she know yet? What will she do when she finds out? How will she feel?" Jonas brushed wetness from his face with the back of one hand.
"Fiona is already being trained in the fine art of release," The Giver told him. "She's very efficient at her work, your red-haired friend. Feelings are not part of the life she's learned."
Jonas wrapped his arms around himself and rocked his own body back and forth. "What should I do? I can't go back! I can't!"
The Giver srood up. "First, I will order our evening meal. Then we will eat."
Jonas found himself using the nasty, sarcastic voice again. "Then we'll have a sharing of feelings?"
The Giver gave a rueful, anguished, empty laugh. "Jonas, you and I are the only ones who have feelings. We've been sharing them now for almost a year."
"I'm sorry, Giver," Jonas said miserably. "I don't mean to be so hateful. Not to you."
The Giver rubbed Jonas's hunched shoulders. "And after we eat," he went on, "we'll make a plan."
Jonas looked up, puzzled. "A plan for what? There's nothing. There's nothing we can do. It's always been this way. Before me, before you, before the ones who came before you. Back and back and back." His voice trailed the familiar phrase.
"Jonas," The Giver said, after a moment, "it's true that it has been this way for what seems forever. But the memories tell us that it has not always been. People felt things once. You and I have been part of that, so we