The Good Book_ A Secular Bible - A. C. Grayling [54]
4. ‘Between us there was harmony in our tastes, our pursuits and our sentiments, which is the true secret of friendship.
5. ‘It is not therefore in that reputation for wisdom you mentioned just now, especially as it happens to be groundless, that I find my happiness so much,
6. ‘As in the assurance that the memory of our friendship will be lasting.
7. ‘What makes me care about this is the fact that in all history there are scarcely three or four pairs of friends on record;
8. ‘And it is classed with them that I cherish a hope of the friendship of Scipio and Laelius being known to posterity.
9. ‘Therefore though I grieve for Scipio, I take comfort and strength in what our friendship was like, and both he and our friendship survive this mere change;
10. ‘We walked the earth together, and learned and shared much together; none of this can be taken away.
11. ‘I think what he would wish for me, could he wish it now: that I would not allow my missing him to make me fail in my duties to myself, to others, and to his memory.
12. ‘I dwell with pleasure on the good of the past, and summon courage to bear his absence now, and turn outward to others who likewise grieve, to comfort them in their affliction;
13. ‘For there is comfort in what we share, and in the knowledge that others understand how we feel.
14. ‘Nothing can replace Scipio, as nothing can replace any of those we love. We do not cease to grieve, but we learn to live with grief;
15. ‘These are our consolations, if we face the inevitabilities of life bravely,
16. ‘Nobly enduring, accepting the sincere condolences of our living friends,
17. ‘Again and again calling upon ourselves for the courage to live on as those who loved us would wish us to live.
18. ‘In this knowledge of our duty to ourselves and the dead we find the strength to perform that duty; and in that performance is our consolation.’
Chapter 3: Of grief: to Apollonius
1. Even before this time, Apollonius, I felt for you in your sorrow and trouble, when I heard of the untimely passing from life of your son, who was so dear to us all.
2. In those days, close upon the time of his death, to visit you and urge you to bear your suffering would have been unsuitable,
3. For you were prostrated by the unexpected calamity; and I could not help sharing in your feeling, and would have added to the weeping around you.
4. Now since time, which assuages all things, has intervened since the calamity, and your present condition demands the aid of your friends,
5. I send you some words of comfort, for the mitigation of grief and the pain of your lamentations.
6. Though there are many emotions that affect the mind, yet grief, from its nature, is the most cruel of all.
7. The pain felt at the death of one we love so dearly is a great cause to awaken grief, and over it we have no control.
8. Yet think of what we say about the right attitude to prosperity and good fortune:
9. We counsel ourselves to treat them rationally, and to maintain a becoming attitude towards them;
10. To put them in proportion, and understand that they are part of the possibilities of life that come and go, and are never certain.
11. If this is how we must view the good that might visit us, it is likewise how we must view the suffering that life brings.
12. For it is a rational safeguard, when pain of mind comes, to provide oneself with a noble patience to endure it.
13. Just as plants are at one time in a season of fruitage and at another time in a season of unfruitfulness,
14. And animals are at one time in fecundity and at another time in barrenness,
15. And on the sea and over the mountains there is both fair weather and storm,
16. So also in life many diverse circumstances occur which bring their changes and reversals in human fortunes;
17. This everyone knows who lives. Yet to try to find constancy in what is inconstant is a trait of people who do not rightly reason about the circumstances of life.
18. Why do I turn your thoughts in this direction?